IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
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Nowadays,
due to
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 heavy traffic public transport getting more important than before. There are some people who believe in spending huge amounts of
money
Use synonyms
 on constructing new railway
lines
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.
This
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 notion
however
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 has opponents who think
money
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 should spend on improving public transport.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and present my own opinion. On the one hand, improving existing public transport is a reasonable idea. Authorities can make them safer by spending
money
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.
For instance
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, upgrading
trains
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 and buses to the newest safety technology can prevent many accidents.
Moreover
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, If public transportation has better facilities more people will use them, which ends in less car and air pollution. Adding outlets and seats or maybe hiring more employees for cleaning can improve the facilities.
On the other hand
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, spending
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 building new railway
lines
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some advantages.
Firstly
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, using fast
trains
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 for
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 between
cities
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 means saving time.
For example
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, without them for a person who
work
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works
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 and
live
Change the verb form
lives
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 in different
cities
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 travelling is very
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and exhausting but using fast
trains
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 can significantly help them. Another point to mention, tourists can use these
trains
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 to easily visit all over a country
while
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 maybe without these
trains
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 they do not visit other
cities
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due to
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high
Correct article usage
the high
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 cost of taxis. Tourists visiting other
cities
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 can result in
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 benefits for the country. After all, spending
money
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 on new railway
lines
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 can help
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 economy
while
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 improving the existing one leads to less air pollution. I personally believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of using
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money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 for constructing new
lines
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outweights
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the other idea's advantages.
Although
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 it is necessary for
authurities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 to have a plan to apply both of the notions.
Submitted by Mahshad on

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task response
To improve the task response, ensure the essay consistently addresses the task completely by developing the ideas more comprehensively and maintaining clear relevance to the topic throughout. Offering more precise examples will enhance your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you could improve by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas fluidly. Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly leads to the next, maintaining a consistent flow.
task response
The essay does well in addressing both perspectives of the argument, providing a balanced discussion before presenting the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving a clear start and endpoint to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Key main points like safety improvements and economic benefits are well-supported with relevant examples, enhancing the effectiveness of the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
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