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Writing Samples
Band 6

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The line graph
illustartes
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the figures of
students
Use synonyms
 from 3
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 countries who singed at Sheffield University from 2005 to 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
,
It is clear that
Linking Words
 at the
beggining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 were from Greece.
Then
Linking Words
 it
decline
Change the verb form
declines
show examples
 sharply.
In addition
Linking Words
,Iran and Turkey had
almoste
Correct your spelling
almost
 the same
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in 2005. Focusing on Iran and Turkey,The former had started
within
Change preposition
with
show examples
 about 40
students
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 it rose slightly in 2007 after it was
sabiled
Correct your spelling
sailed
disabled
.After which,it has grown up
dramaticly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
 in 2009 to
reacord
Correct your spelling
reach
 160
students
Use synonyms
 throughout.The latter had
beggin
Correct your spelling
begun
 with 20
students
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Then
Linking Words
 it was increasing in 2006 and 2007 to reach 80
students
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,It levelled up in 2008 and 2009 to score the highest amount which was about 120
students
Use synonyms
. As for Greece,The largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 who enrolled was 180.
In addition
Linking Words
,There was a sharp drop in 2006 until 2007 to reach 60
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,It remained stable
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2007 to 2008
then
Linking Words
 it fell in 2009 to score the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 which was about 37
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Enrolled
  • Enrollments
  • Trend
  • Steady increase
  • Initial increase
  • Decline
  • Sharp increase
  • Peaking
  • Noteworthy comparison
  • Contrasting trends
  • Period
  • Given period
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