IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the difference between the lowest paid job and the highest should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagre

Paid jobs play a pivotal role in shaping society. A frequently discussed issue is whether the lowest or higher paid job is essential for
population
Correct article usage
the population
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, or whether it poses risks. I firmly agree that it is useful and helpful for individuals.
This
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 essay will explore
this
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 phenomenon in detail before presenting my opinion.
To begin
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,critics argue that it is crucial to give everyone money based on their difficulties in their
job
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jobs
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.
For example
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, in some companies the manager
task
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tasks
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 for long hours compared to other employees.
As a result
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, workers suffer from these
differences
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 and cause some social conflict in the communities.
Conversely
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, the difference between the lowest salary has undeniable benefits, particularly in terms of economic development.
For instance
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; a study conducted by Glasgow University Illustrates that when
people
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 have the lowest difference, significantly can affect their standards of living.
Therefore
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,
this
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 may stimulate economic growth , create jobs and strengthen the financial stability of the nation
Furthermore
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, the outcomes lowest paid jobs are not limited to the countries but
also
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 have a profound impact on individuals as well.Exposing
people
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 to the lowest
differences
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 definitely could strengthen the relationship between
family
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families
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. A good example here
that
Add a missing verb
is that
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people
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 who work in a factory as engineers are able to work more efficiently
due to
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 the lowest difference. So, it accelerates a sense of comfort in their job. In conclusion, the lowest
differences
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 have become an indispensable part of
people
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's lives.
while
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 some pose
its
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it
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 has certain challenges, it has a vital component in a thriving economy and building strong connections between
people
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. I strongly agree that the lowest
differences
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 are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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essential factors for
people
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. Governments and institutions must prioritize
such
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 Opportunities to encourage the lowest
differences
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.

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task response
Clarify your main points. The perspective regarding the benefits of salary differences and their impact on individuals needs more clarity.
task response
Provide more specific examples and elaborations to support your claims. For instance, better explaining how salary differences can stimulate economic growth and strengthen financial stability will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's organization can be improved. Consider making your argument clearer with more logical sequencing of ideas, so that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task response
You have addressed both views on the topic, displaying a balanced exploration before giving your opinion.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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