Some people believe that the difference between the lowest paid job and the highest should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagre

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Paid jobs play a pivotal role in shaping society. A frequently discussed issue is whether the lowest or higher paid job is essential for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
, or whether it poses risks. I firmly agree that it is useful and helpful for individuals.
This
Linking Words
essay will explore
this
Linking Words
phenomenon in detail before presenting my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
,critics argue that it is crucial to give everyone money based on their difficulties in their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, in some companies the manager
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
for long hours compared to other employees.
As a result
Linking Words
, workers suffer from these
differences
Use synonyms
and cause some social conflict in the communities.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the difference between the lowest salary has undeniable benefits, particularly in terms of economic development.
For instance
Linking Words
; a study conducted by Glasgow University Illustrates that when
people
Use synonyms
have the lowest difference, significantly can affect their standards of living.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
may stimulate economic growth , create jobs and strengthen the financial stability of the nation
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the outcomes lowest paid jobs are not limited to the countries but
also
Linking Words
have a profound impact on individuals as well.Exposing
people
Use synonyms
to the lowest
differences
Use synonyms
definitely could strengthen the relationship between
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. A good example here
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
people
Use synonyms
who work in a factory as engineers are able to work more efficiently
due to
Linking Words
the lowest difference. So, it accelerates a sense of comfort in their job. In conclusion, the lowest
differences
Use synonyms
have become an indispensable part of
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
while
Linking Words
some pose
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
has certain challenges, it has a vital component in a thriving economy and building strong connections between
people
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree that the lowest
differences
Use synonyms
are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
essential factors for
people
Use synonyms
. Governments and institutions must prioritize
such
Linking Words
Opportunities to encourage the lowest
differences
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 13570581 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Clarify your main points. The perspective regarding the benefits of salary differences and their impact on individuals needs more clarity.
task response
Provide more specific examples and elaborations to support your claims. For instance, better explaining how salary differences can stimulate economic growth and strengthen financial stability will strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's organization can be improved. Consider making your argument clearer with more logical sequencing of ideas, so that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your argument well.
task response
You have addressed both views on the topic, displaying a balanced exploration before giving your opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: