IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some think the best way to reduce the time people spend in travelling to work is to replace the parks and gardens close to the city centers with apartment buildings where commuters can live, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals think to reduce travelling
time
Use synonyms
, parks and Gardens should be replaced
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
 flats, where employees can live, so that they save their
time
Use synonyms
 and reduce the level of stress.
However
Linking Words
, pollution
problems
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 increasing by reducing the number of green
places
Use synonyms
. I will discuss both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views in forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with the first view, most
of
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apply
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people commute to other cities for job purposes, but it is a
time
Use synonyms
-consuming thing which makes them arrogant.
Due to
Linking Words
long
Correct article usage
the long
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 travel
time
Use synonyms
, workers feel tired and cannot do their job with full concentration. So, if Apartments
will
Verb problem
are
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build
Wrong verb form
built
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 for them near to the city centre,
then
Linking Words
 they have some relief and
time
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 will
also
Linking Words
 saved.
For example
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, when workers go to
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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work
then
Linking Words
 they have to commute, which
waste
Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
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 their
time
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 on travelling, after some
time
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 they lose most of their energy during travelling, so when reach
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their offices,
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
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due to
Linking Words
 tiredness they are unable to concentrate on their work, which leads them to make mistakes. So, if they live
at
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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nearby
places
Use synonyms
then
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 all
Use synonyms
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
, they face, will
finish
Verb problem
be solved
show examples
 and they do their work without any
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, global warming is increasing rapidly, meanwhile, people destroying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
green
places
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as parks and Gardens which provide oxygen to them. So, if they replace
this
Linking Words
 kind of
Use synonyms
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
then
Linking Words
 many
problems
Use synonyms
 will increase
such
Linking Words
 as pollution, which is very harmful for human beings, as it spreads a lot of diseases like asthma, allergies, face
problems
Use synonyms
 and so on. To exemplify, 65% of green areas are destroyed and the masses suffer from pollution-related diseases, which makes them physically uncomfortable and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to
Rising
Verb problem
Raise
show examples
 global warming.
As a result
Linking Words
, by replacing natural
places
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
 developed areas, people actually demolish their own shelters.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 making buildings
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 natural
places
Use synonyms
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 individual's lives easy, as it
decrease
Change the verb form
decreases
show examples
 the
time
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 of commuting
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
inviting
Wrong verb form
invite
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many other
problems
Use synonyms
 which are very dangerous for human lives.

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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments more fully by providing additional supporting evidence or elaboration on your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure for improved readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your ideas by organizing them into clearer, distinct paragraphs.
task achievement
You have addressed both views as required by the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame the discussion effectively.
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