Some think the best way to reduce the time people spend in travelling to work is to replace the parks and gardens close to the city centers with apartment buildings where commuters can live, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some individuals think to reduce travelling
time
, parks and Gardens should be replaced into
flats, where employees can live, so that they save their Change preposition
with
time
and reduce the level of stress. However
, pollution problems
increasing by reducing the number of green places
. I will discuss both of
views in forthcoming paragraphs.
Change preposition
apply
To begin
with the first view, most of
people commute to other cities for job purposes, but it is a Change preposition
apply
time
-consuming thing which makes them arrogant. Due to
long
travel Correct article usage
the long
time
, workers feel tired and cannot do their job with full concentration. So, if Apartments will
Verb problem
are
build
for them near to the city centre, Wrong verb form
built
then
they have some relief and time
will also
saved. For example
, when workers go to their
work Correct pronoun usage
apply
then
they have to commute, which waste
their Correct subject-verb agreement
wastes
time
on travelling, after some time
they lose most of their energy during travelling, so when reach at
their offices, Remove the preposition
apply
then
Rephrase
apply
due to
tiredness they are unable to concentrate on their work, which leads them to make mistakes. So, if they live at
Change preposition
in
the
nearby Correct article usage
apply
places
then
all problems
, they face, will Correct article usage
the problems
finish
and they do their work without any Verb problem
be solved
problem
.
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
However
, global warming is increasing rapidly, meanwhile, people destroying the
green Correct article usage
apply
places
such
as parks and Gardens which provide oxygen to them. So, if they replace this
kind of places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
then
many problems
will increase such
as pollution, which is very harmful for human beings, as it spreads a lot of diseases like asthma, allergies, face problems
and so on. To exemplify, 65% of green areas are destroyed and the masses suffer from pollution-related diseases, which makes them physically uncomfortable and help
to Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
Rising
global warming. Verb problem
Raise
As a result
, by replacing natural places
into
developed areas, people actually demolish their own shelters.
Change preposition
with
To conclude
, although
making buildings at
natural Change preposition
in
places
make
individual's lives easy, as it Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
decrease
the Change the verb form
decreases
time
of commuting but
they Correct word choice
apply
inviting
many other Wrong verb form
invite
problems
which are very dangerous for human lives.Submitted by satnamkalsi06 on
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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments more fully by providing additional supporting evidence or elaboration on your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure for improved readability and flow.
coherence cohesion
Clarify your ideas by organizing them into clearer, distinct paragraphs.
task achievement
You have addressed both views as required by the essay prompt.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, helping to frame the discussion effectively.