IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
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There is no denying the fact that governments allocate a lot of effort and money to achieve global
sports
.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that some nations tend to instruct specialised
facilities
 to train professional
athletes
 in order to win
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international
sports
 competitions, there is
also
 an argument that insists on making these
facilities
 accessible to everyone.
This
 essay will discuss both points of view and express my opinion.
To begin
 with, international competitions are crucial to be participated by countries,
therefore
, investing money in
this
 sector will be beneficial. It is
also
 possible to say that providing specialised care is a must to support
athletes
 so they can win in these
sports
.
In addition
, building these
facilities
 will assist them
to enhance
Change preposition
in enhancing
show examples
 their muscles.
For example
, if there is a facility that includes a specialised swimming pool,
this
 will facilitate the
athletes
Change noun form
athlete's
athletes'
show examples
 training schedules. Another point to consider, citizens must be encouraged to be
athletes
 by letting them
entering
Wrong verb form
enter
show examples
 these
facilities
.
In other words
, expanding the range of trainees will increase the levels and the numbers of professional
athlete’s
Change noun form
athlete
show examples
 and that will be beneficial for any government.
Moreover
, countries will spend massive budgets in order to build these
facilities
,
hence
, transforming these
facilities
 to be considered public spaces may develop the country.
For instance
, increasing the number of these buildings will
soar
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 the
sports
 awareness of the country in general. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
, I'm convinced that it is significant to provide those
athletes
 with specialised care and
facilities
, but at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
also
 have the right to take advantage of these
facilities
.
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task achievement
To enhance your task response, ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed. Try to expand on the ideas about public access to sports facilities to match the detail provided about specialized training centers.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence, consider using more linking words or phrases to improve the flow between points. This can make the progression of your ideas smoother and more logical.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets up the discussion well, clearly outlining the two sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your position, offering a balanced view of the development.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant examples to illustrate the points about specialized training facilities, adding depth to the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
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