IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving this message. A

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, in some nations young generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 motivated that they can accomplish their goal if they
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as overwork and frustration, but
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it can give successful results. In our century it is common to convince youngsters if they
work
Use synonyms
 hard
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
their efforts will definitely pay off.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 motivation does not apply to all areas of life. There variety of
people
Use synonyms
 who have different abilities and they can face
encounted
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
challenges despite their
endeavor
Fix the agreement mistake
endeavors
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if children are convinced that they can achieve their goals with enough effort they might not accept failures and keep pushing forward until they reach their goals. Eventually, they may
undervalued
Change the verb form
undervalue
show examples
 their true potential, become less confident, and lose their motivation.
In contrast
Linking Words
, teaching young
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 way has its own benefits like successful results as it helps them to advance on their way to success. When young
people
Use synonyms
 are told that hard
work
Use synonyms
 is
fundamental
Add an article
a fundamental
the fundamental
show examples
 step toward success and they are motivated by their parents, they will pay attention more and focus on their
work
Use synonyms
, even when they face some hardships.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can spend more time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 exams, even sacrificing sleep and leisure activities.
This
Linking Words
 consistent effort not only helps them to get high scores
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 builds resilience,which is essential for their future lives. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 encouraging young
people
Use synonyms
 to believe that hard
work
Use synonyms
 leads to success can foster determination and resilience, it
also
Linking Words
 carries the risk of overwork and frustration if their efforts do not yield the desired results.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is crucial to balance
this
Linking Words
 mindset by teaching them to accept failures as part of the journey and to recognize their unique abilities.
This
Linking Words
 way, they can stay motivated and
work
Use synonyms
 toward their goals
while
Linking Words
 maintaining their well-being.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is well structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Aim to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs by using more cohesive devices.
task achievement
You covered the task effectively by discussing both advantages and disadvantages. Try to expand on the points with deeper insight to elevate your response.
task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are clearly stated and comprehensively developed. Clarify the potential outcomes of both overwork and success by refining your examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and argument, with distinct paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example on the influence of working hard on exam preparation, which strengthened your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: