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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences.Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.Discuss both views and give your opinion. Huy Tran

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative #huy #tran
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In the modern era,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the criminals
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criminals
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criminal
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 rate is increasing and many dangerous
criminal
Change to a plural noun
criminals
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 appear.
Linking Words
While some
Correct word choice
Some
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 argue that to decrease the
prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
number of prisoners
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, the best way is
Fix the infinitive
to rise
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rise
Correct your spelling
raise
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prison
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term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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. Others believe that alternative solutions will be more successful. Two points of view will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. There are many reasons why extended
prison
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 term is important to turn down the number of inmates.
People
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 who
advocates
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advocate
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of
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apply
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this
Linking Words
 method consider that longer detention
play
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plays
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a
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an
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 important role and is a solution
in
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apply
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against criminal acts. Dangerous
prisoner
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prisoners
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 deserve life sentences even
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty. These
punishment
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punishments
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 are intended to deter prisoners and those preparing to commit crimes.
Moreover
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, after being released from
prison
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,
people
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 will never think about committing crimes. A recent research conducted at Havard University
show
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shows
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 that 70% after being released from
prison
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,
people
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 never illegal acts
On the other hand
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, some
person
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people
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 believe that there are many alternative methods that are more effective in preventing
criminals
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.
Beside
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Besides
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 increasing
prison
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 terms, we can release prisoners for humanitarian
reason
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reasons
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 with
people
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 who are good
re-educate
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and re-educate
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 law-breakers.
For instance
Linking Words
,
criminals
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 in
Viet Nam
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Vietnam
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 will receive help from
government
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the government
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 after being released from
prison
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such
Linking Words
 as
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 them integrate into the community, find a job,
become
Correct word choice
and become
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 more honest
people
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.
In addition
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,
state
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the state
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some times
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sometimes
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 keep an eye on them if there is a repeat
offense
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offence
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. In conclusion, reducing crime is a matter of national concern. In my point of view,
combination
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a combination
the combination
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 of
increase
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increased
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prison
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term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
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, severe punishments, and humanitarian measures are essential for
criminals
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.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point you make. For example, you could include more detailed examples or hypotheses to better illustrate your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between ideas for improved coherence.
task achievement
The conclusion provides a clear perspective combining both methods of reducing crime.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction, discussion of both views, and a conclusion, fulfilling the structural requirements.
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