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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.

The graph below depicts the demand for electricity in England during typical days in winter and summer. The pie charts below shows how electricity is used in an average home in the same country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features,and make cmparison where relevant.
#demand #electricity #england #winter #summer #home #country #information #features #cmparison
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the graph provides
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 about the rate of
electricity
 power consumption in
Engeland
Correct your spelling
England
show examples
 during the summer and
witner
Correct your spelling
winter
 seasons.
in addition
, the pie chart
illustares
Correct your spelling
illustrates
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electricity
 is
beeing
Correct your spelling
being
 used
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 homes within the same country.
overall
,
electricity
 consumption
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 winter is much higher than summer consumption.
in other words
, the colder it gets, the higher
elecrticity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 is used.
moreover
, more than half of the
electricity
 usage is from heating. people in summer usually consume
maximum
Add an article
a maximum
show examples
 of 20
KW
 of
electricity
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 day, and that amount hits only
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
afternoon
Correct article usage
the afternoon
show examples
 and at late time of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
night.
while
 in winter, it
flactuates
Correct your spelling
fluctuates
fluctuated
 between 30
KW
 and 50
Kw
Correct your spelling
KW
. reaching 30
KW
 approximately at 6 in the morning,
while
 50
KW
 at
mednight
Correct your spelling
midnight
.
elecrticity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 is used on a variety
devices
Change preposition
of devices
show examples
. heating water and rooms take more than half with a rate of 52.5%.
while
 the other half is
devided
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divided
 between
vaccum
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vacuum
 cleaners and food mixers, lighting TV and radios with a percentage of 15%.
in addition
, ovens
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
kettels and washing machines with 17.5% of
elecricity
Correct your spelling
electricity
 usage.
Submitted by tareq.kj on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, kw with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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