IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science shold be to improve people's lives To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #shold #people #lives
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There is no denying the fact that science and scientists play
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 role in our life.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that improving
people
's
lives
 must be the main focus part of science. There is
also
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that every little
movements
Change to a singular noun
movement
show examples
 we take in
science
Correct article usage
the science
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 specifically to enhance our
lives
.
To begin
 with,
industrial
Add an article
the industrial
show examples
 sector is one of the most critical
intrest
Correct your spelling
interests
 for researchers, as it provides
convenient
Correct article usage
a convenient
show examples
 life with all these inventions.
In other words
, inventors spend a lot of time
to find
Change the verb form
finding
show examples
 the best method to develop
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
lives
 and try to make their inventions relevant
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the majority of
people
.
In addition
, they want to raise the quality of life by
accelerate
Change the verb form
accelerating
show examples
 many processes like communication, transportation and
also
entertenment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
.
For example
, previous generations
was suffer
Wrong verb form
suffered
show examples
 when they
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 to navigate to another place which
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackled
show examples
 their ways
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 development. Another point to consider,
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 sector is something
Correct pronoun usage
that foster
show examples
foster
Wrong verb form
fosters
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's
lives
 with all these
treatment
Change the determiner
treatments
show examples
, as it
enable
Change the verb form
enables
show examples
 us to work effectively without any kind of
fearness
Correct your spelling
fear
. It is
also
 possible to say that specialists
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their lap to improve the quality of healing
people
, and they
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 just hard
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
, but they have
also
akind
Correct your spelling
a kind
kind
 of humanity.
Moreover
, some
people
analyzing
Wrong verb form
analyse
show examples
 the geographical changes throughout the days which helps the experts to know the average of some
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 emotions,
then
 they
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
share
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 statistics with all other sectors to prevent some global issues like global warming. In conclusion,
depite
Correct your spelling
despite
people
 having different views, I believe that we should cooperate with each other to enhance many sides of our
lives
.
Submitted by dr.osamabhb on

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coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your arguments. Some points could be linked more clearly with transition words to improve cohesion.
task achievement
Further develop your ideas with additional examples or evidence to strengthen your points.
task achievement
Be more specific in your examples, as some parts were a bit general. For instance, elaborate on examples of medical innovations.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that frame the argument well.
task achievement
You have touched on several key areas such as industrial and medical sectors that are relevant to the discussion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by acknowledging different perspectives, which is a strong point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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