IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#children #school #teachers #influence #parents #development
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It is true that
teachers
 have a great influence
the
Change preposition
on the
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 intellectual and social development of
children
 more than parents.
While
 some people tend to agree with
this
 statement .I would have to support
this
 idea .
One
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On
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of
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apply
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the one hand ,
teachers
 may educate the
children
 and discuss topics with them that require them to explain their ideas and thinking more and more.
For instance
 ,
teachers
 let the students
to
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apply
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share in small groups and
sharing
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share
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 their thoughts together ,
teachers
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and teachers
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able
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are able
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 to observe how they are thinking .
Furthermore
,the
children
 spend their time in
the
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apply
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schools
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school
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 more than their
house
Correct your spelling
home
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 so their
teachers
 can see their
interacts
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interactions
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 with their friends and they
are
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apply
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monitor their social skills ,if the
teachers
notices
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notice
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 the child lacks
for
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apply
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any
skills
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social skills
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 for social they will know how to deal with
this
 problem .
Moreover
, the kids
they
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apply
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can not see their friends at the home all time
Thus
 the parents
they
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apply
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do not have the opportunity to notice any signs of good social skills, so, I completely agree with
this
 statement . In conclusion ,it seems to me that the
teachers
 have more
influences
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influence
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 on our kids, where a teacher
able
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is able
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 to
learn
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teach
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 them and understand their feeling and their thoughts and they can observe a lot of things in our
children
 ,from my perspective ,our teacher they are know about the state of the child if he is sad or happy or he has any problems in his or her life and the
as well as
 they are seeking to solve it .
Submitted by balawimanal on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your thesis in the introduction and maintain a consistent viewpoint.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that your ideas are logically organized.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, demonstrating good structure.
task achievement
The essays present relevant points emphasizing the influence of teachers on children's development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured learning environment
  • Cognitive skills
  • Social interactions
  • Pedagogical techniques
  • Moral values
  • Emotional well-being
  • Complementary roles
  • Academic and social education
  • Individualized attention
  • Life skills training
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