IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government funding should not be used for supporting Art & culture, while others think that supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own openion.

#people #government #art #culture #activities #population #openion
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In
this
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 modern era, there are disputed opinions regarding cultural
activities
Use synonyms
. Towards, where some are of the viewpoint that authorities should not have to give
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 for the art and
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 activity;
whereas
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 others counter argues that if
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
will support
Wrong verb form
supports
show examples
this
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 kind of
activities
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, it will
not
Add a missing verb
be not
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 only fruitful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society but
also
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 for the
culture
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.
Therefore
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, before commenting on my opinion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides are elaborated
further
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. On the
one
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 hand, the primary argument the proponents would put forward is that
rigme
Correct your spelling
regime
 should not have to allocate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
funds for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art and
culture
Use synonyms
 rather
than
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they should have to give render money
for
Change preposition
to
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 the needy ones.
For example
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, if
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
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 funds among poor people, they can use the fund for
education
Add an article
the education
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 of their children and they can able to fulfil their
rudimantary
Correct your spelling
rudimentary
 needs as well. Another striking reason is that
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 system needs more funds than other
activities
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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,
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 play a paramount role in improving
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
 system in order to help .
For instance
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, most folks can not afford medicine and care especially those from socially or economically deprived families,
hence
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, that fund can help the
one
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 who is in need.
On the other hand
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, those who stand by the latter view have
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own claims.
Firstly
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, helping cultural
activities
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 can lead to a plethora of optimistic effects on youngsters
such
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 as
ameliorate
Wrong verb form
ameliorating
show examples
 their cognitive skills,
Correct word choice
and enhance
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enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
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 their confidence and knowledge about cultural history.
secondly
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, if
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
will help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
with
Change preposition
by
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 providing some platform where
artist
Add an article
the artist
an artist
show examples
 can present their traits,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 can help to get more opportunities
for
Change preposition
in
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 the future.
One
Use synonyms
 good illustration is that
culture
Use synonyms
 is the essential and most important part of the nation in order to save
history
Add an article
the history
a history
show examples
 of
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
ancentors
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ancestors
, authorities are the
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who can change the
thnking
Correct your spelling
thinking
 of people about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cukltural
Correct your spelling
cultural
activities
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.
To sum up
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 and offer my position,
according to
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 the aforementioned points, it is evident that both views have their importance.
However
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, I firmly support the latter view as
culture
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important part of the
culture
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by DARSHITA on

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