IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In many cities, problems related to overpopulation are becoming more common. Some governments are now encouraging businesses and individuals to move out of cities to rural areas. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #overpopulation #governments #businesses #individuals #move #areas #trend
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The Government is a body which carries a huge
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 on their shoulders.To maintain a stable environment in our country,
such
appaling
Correct your spelling
appalling
 policies are supposed to achieve it.I totally agree with
this
 and it has some good
advantges
Correct your spelling
advantages
.
For instance
, there will be less pollution and overpopulation will be handled effectively. As we live in Lahore, you know the population of
this
 extensive city is about 80 million.
In Addition
 to that,
Buisness
Correct your spelling
business
 chairmen have occupied 60
percent
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per cent
show examples
 land of
community
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the community
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 area, and you know for a fact every factory is just polluting
this
 city,via the carbon-monoxide gas
emmission
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emission
emissions
 from the chimneys.
Transfering
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Transferring
show examples
 these
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
 modules
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a rural area is not a bad idea.In Faisalabad, the Government created
a
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an
show examples
 industrial zone, far away from the city and
such
thing
Correct article usage
a thing
show examples
 must be implicated here. Once these industries are located in a confined controlled zone, authorities can focus on building housing schemes for people or better give them
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in those industries with residencies.In
this
 way, the community can be less populated. To my findings,The
Governtment
Correct your spelling
government
 acts
quikly
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quickly
 on
this
 thing.As we can have less pollution
moreover
, controlled population to make the economy better.
Submitted by umarilyas121 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and connection to the task. Develop your points thoroughly by explaining each one adequately before moving on.
Task Achievement
Be careful with technical terms and spellings to enhance precision and professionalism in the essay.
Task Achievement
Conclude by summarizing your main points and providing your final stance to wrap up your response effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is structured with an introduction and body paragraphs, providing a direction to the reader.
Task Achievement
You have included specific examples which support your main argument effectively, such as the situation in Lahore and Faisalabad.
Task Achievement
The discussion about relocating industries and the potential benefits of reduced pollution and population demonstrates a good understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overpopulation
  • urban congestion
  • quality of life
  • pollution
  • infrastructure
  • public services
  • economic development
  • job opportunities
  • local economies
  • affordable housing
  • standard of living
  • well-being
  • isolation
  • amenities
  • healthcare
  • education facilities
  • entertainment facilities
  • community ties
  • social networks
  • environmental degradation
  • ecosystems
  • biodiversity
  • development
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