Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others.

#television #free-time #people

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Over the past few decades, some

people

Use synonyms

tend

Wrong verb form

have tended

show examples

to spend most of their

leasure

Correct your spelling

leisure

time

Use synonyms

screen

Add an article

the screen

show examples

watching

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

too much

screen-

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

time

Use synonyms

may

caused

Change the verb form

cause

be caused

show examples

people

Use synonyms

to be stuck and have

short

Correct word choice

little

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to no amount of

time

Use synonyms

making

Change the verb form

to make

show examples

real connections. I personally agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion because most of the

times

Fix the agreement mistake

time

show examples

individuals could

lost

Change the verb form

lose

be lost

show examples

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

track of

time

Use synonyms

once they sitting or

laying

Correct your spelling

lying

show examples

down in front of the

television

Use synonyms

and would not be able to move

due to

Linking Words

the comfort it offers

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

leads to

indolent

Correct article usage

an indolent

show examples

state. Modern individuals

also

Linking Words

find that

television

Use synonyms

programmes already entertain them enough so they do not have to make friends or socialize with real

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

Television

Use synonyms

with its various and interesting programmes could catch someone's attention for a long period of

time

Use synonyms

People

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would not realize they have spent mindless hours in front of

Use synonyms

Add an article

the TV

show examples

, neglecting their chores, because they

have

Verb problem

are

show examples

overwhelmed by the comfort it delivers

that

Correct word choice

which

show examples

leads them

into

Change preposition

show examples

being

Verb problem

become

show examples

lethargic.

For example

Linking Words

, being inert

watching

Correct word choice

while watching

show examples

Use synonyms

Linking Words

while

Correct word choice

and

show examples

eating fast foods or snacks is one of the main

cause

Fix the agreement mistake

causes

show examples

of obesity

due to

Linking Words

long idleness before the

television

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, an excessive amount of

screen-

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

time

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

could affect social

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

People

Use synonyms

nowadays are apt to feel like they

already

Add a missing verb

are already

show examples

fulfilled by personal

screen-

Correct your spelling

screen time

show examples

time

Use synonyms

so they do not have to socialize with others and create real connections. They are being trapped in their own cosiness on screen that they even find that social life is tiring and unnecessary.

For instance

Linking Words

, children who get overly exposed

Change preposition

show examples

television

Use synonyms

Change preposition

at in

show examples

Correct your spelling

show examples

early

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

could not

Wrong verb form

cannot

show examples

socialize as

good

Change the word

well

show examples

as those who are not and have a hard

time

Use synonyms

Change preposition

apply

show examples

making friends. In conclusion, the tendency of

people

Use synonyms

to occupy themselves and engage in

Use synonyms

shows

Change preposition

for

show examples

a substantial

time

Use synonyms

has become a widespread trend.

This

Linking Words

may

driven

Change the verb form

drive

show examples

individuals to become sluggish

due to

Linking Words

being in idle condition for too long exposed

Change preposition

show examples

numerous channels

programmes

Correct word choice

and programmes

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, social interactions

also

Linking Words

may be affected

Change preposition

show examples

persons who are investing

Remove the article

apply

show examples

plenty of

time

Use synonyms

on screen as they find

television

Use synonyms

already sufficient for their social life so they do not need to preserve real human

relationship

Fix the agreement mistake

relationships

show examples

Submitted by yukiko on Fri Dec 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on enhancing coherence by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader more clearly between points.

task achievement

Be mindful of verb tenses and subject-verb agreement to maintain clarity.

introduction conclusion

Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your stance on it, setting the tone for the essay.

relevant specific examples

You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as the impact of television on obesity and social skills.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

358 words

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Television dominates the free-time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others.

Your opinion

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people says trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be build instead. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?