Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#shops #food #drinks #people’s #health

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It is argued that some prohibitions must be set for retailing nutrients which could

threat

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threaten

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our health based on academic

researches

Fix the agreement mistake

research

show examples

Change preposition

For

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a range of reasons, I do support

this

thought. To commence with, obesity and its following illnesses could be mentioned as one of the most conspicuous consequences of consuming unhealthy goods. The result would be medical

centers

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centres

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congested with patients could have easily

avoid

Wrong verb form

avoided

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becoming ill by just paying more attention to what they eat and drink. So that there would have been adequate

flat

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flats

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for those

suffer

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suffering

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from more intensive diseases.

For instance

, a circumstance could be imagined in which a patient with a harsh nervous headache waiting to receive treatment from a doctor whose time is exploited giving medical

prescripts

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prescriptions

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to a food-poisoned individual.

Furthermore

blur

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a blurred

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horizon of society’s health level could emerge as another disappointing implication

due to

consumption

Correct article usage

the consumption

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malnourishing

Correct your spelling

malnourished

food and drinks.

On the other hand

, a situation is being discussed in which some scientific proofs

has

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have

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been overlooked.

This

could lead to in-charge

researchers

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researchers'

researcher's

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disappointment and might come down to a dark academic environment through which science-based alerts are being ignored.

For example

, when a major part of society

are

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stubbornly

clinged

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clinging

to their adverse daily diet ignoring experts’

clamors

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clamours

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to alter it, giving up alerting

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apply

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those concerned would not be surprising.

Thus

due to

drastic

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the drastic

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diminish of motivation, numerous researchers might feel reluctant to resume their academic practices as they find them useless. In conclusion, I believe that halting

sale

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the sale

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of nutrients which are classified as unhealthy through scientific observations, could be considered as a must for the reasons given.

Submitted by mohamad.rahimi.alisaraei on Fri Dec 13 2024

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task response

Your essay mostly addresses the task and provides a general discussion on the topic. However, it would benefit from more specific points and examples to strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

Organize your ideas more logically to enhance the flow of your arguments. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for maintaining focus.

task achievement

You raise important points about the health implications of unhealthy food, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Regulations
accountability
retailers
public health
consumer choice
diet
banning
health education
awareness campaigns
economic impact
job losses
small businesses
complexity
beneficial
harmful
quantity consumed
individual health conditions

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Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that develop the mind, such as reading and doing crossword puzzles. Others feel that it is important to give one's mind a rest in leisure time. Discuss

Should education and healthcare be free of charge and funded by the government, or should it be the responsibility of the people to pay for these services? Discuss the above and give your opinion using examples.

As global trade increase, many goods including those we use in daily basis are produced in another country and have to be transport long distance.

It was predicted that people living in the twenty-first century would have more free time than ever before because of improvements in technology. To what extent has this prediction come true?

Some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.