IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Cheaper food is now available because of greater use of fertilizers and improved machinery. This improved production, however, can be harmful to individuals and the community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view? Discuss, including examples from your

#food #fertilizers #machinery #production #individuals #community
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Increased
use
Use synonyms
 of
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 and machinery in farming is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 mankind and communities,
therefore
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, it is a commonly asked question
that
Correct word choice
whether
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 we must allow
this
Linking Words
 to happen or masses must oppose it. In my viewpoint, I agree with the latter notion and reasons to support my stance are elaborated in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, those who are in disagreement assert that these trends have reduced the cost of eatables. In fact, with the surge in crop production by using chemicals and machines
food
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 reserves have increased over the years, which has reduced the buying cost of
food
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 items. To illustrate, in India,
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Food
Correct article usage
the Food
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 Corporation of India
buy
Correct subject-verb agreement
buys
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 crops from the farmers and
store
Correct subject-verb agreement
stores
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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community distribution, owing to
this
Linking Words
, items like Wheat, Rice, Pulses etc. are available in the market at a lower cost.
Therefore
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,
Use synonyms
use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 and machinery is justified in agriculture.
On the other hand
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, those who advocate that these trends are harmful opine that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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deteriorates
Correct subject-verb agreement
deteriorate
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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soil
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health
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 and
causing
Wrong verb form
cause
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soil
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 pollution. Indeed,
the
Change preposition
with the
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 enhanced
use
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 of chemicals and automation, the
soil
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 is getting polluted, which in
return
Replace the word
turn
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 is reducing its fertility and spoiling its
overall
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 purity.
Moreover
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,
this
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 issue has gained a lot of attention from the communities because it is harmful for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future generations to come.
Hence
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, farmers must not
use
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fertilizers
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 and machines in fields.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these practices are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 the population's
health
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. As a matter of fact,
from
Change preposition
in
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past
Correct article usage
the past
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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few decades,a number of diseases
are being
Wrong verb form
have been
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 reported that are caused by
Correct article usage
the
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 of chemicals in crop production
such
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 as various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of Cancers,
Food
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 Allergies etc.
For example
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, Punjab state in India has emerged as a hot belt for Cancer, because there is a history of uncontrolled
use
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 of
fertilizers
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 in the farms. Adding more to it, with the
use
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 of more machines in
food
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 processing the essential nutrients are being destroyed or filtered out from the
food
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 items.
Thus
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, people must stand firm against these trends.
To sum up
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, undoubtedly to meet
population's
Correct article usage
the population's
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food
Use synonyms
 needs,
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use
Correct article usage
the use
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 of
fertilizers
Use synonyms
 and automation is justified but its impacts on
soil
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health
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 and
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual
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health
Use synonyms
 cannot be overlooked.
Submitted by mrsdns on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the thesis statement with unique points and examples.
coherence cohesion
Refine the use of linking words to smoothly transition between ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively and restates your position.
task achievement
Expand on ideas in some sections to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument before presenting a clear stance.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the situation in Punjab, strengthens the argument regarding health impacts.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both structured well—clear opening and strong summary of points.
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