IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Fossil fuels (e.g. coals, oil and gas) are the main source of energy for most countries. However, alternative sources of energy (e.g. wind and solar) have been encouraged for use by some countries. To what extent is this a positive or negative development?

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Coals, oil and gas are the majority of
power
 sources in many countries,
while
 some countries have encouraged using
wind
 and solar
power
. In my opinion, using green
energy
 is a positive trend because using solar and
wind
energy
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not only
helping
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 to reduce emissions but
also
 they are unlimited
resources
Fix the agreement mistake
resource
show examples
. Using fossil
fuels
 can produce more
pollution
, especially in
cars
Change the noun form
car
show examples
 engines and industrial production.
This
pollution
 can lead to health problems in people. Using electric vehicles with solar
power
 and
wind
 turbines to generate electricity in industrial factories are clean
alternatives
Fix the agreement mistake
alternative
show examples
 for the environment and people’s health. Environmental research shows that people who live outside of the city and far from industrial factories have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 problems with lung diseases. It can be seen that air
pollution
 causes hazards to people so alternative
energy
 should be encouraged to use more. Another reason for using green
energy
 is unlimited availability. Fossil
fuels
 take long time periods to produce and it can be run out in the future if it is exaggerating demand.
Wind
 turbines and solar panels can produce
energy
 in shorter periods than fossil
fuels
.
Additionally
, they can be produced anywhere in the world
unlike
Add the comma(s)
, unlike
show examples
 fossil
fuels
 which depend on the environment.
Therefore
 they are suitable for high demand
power
 in the long term. In conclusion, Even though fossil
fuels
 are still the primary sources for most countries,
wind
 and solar
energy
 are great choices to be considered. I believe that using alternative
energy
 is a better development and it is essential for avoiding
pollution
 emissions and sustainability concerns.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your argument about the environmental benefits of renewable energy.
task achievement
Ensure every main point has a clear example or evidence to back it up, especially regarding the health advantages of renewable energy.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas with well-organized paragraphs.
task achievement
Balanced examination of both fossil fuels and renewable energy sources, showing a nuanced understanding.
task achievement
Strong use of language to make clear, compelling points about the sustainability and health benefits of green energy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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