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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows male and female gym membership over a thirty-year period. The vertical axis represets the number of members in units of 1000. The horizontal axis represents the period from 1980 to 2010

The line graph shows male and female gym membership over a thirty-year period. The vertical axis represets the number of members in units of 1000. The horizontal axis represents the period from 1980 to 2010
#line #gym #membership #period #axis #represets #members #units
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The line graph indicates the
membership
 of
men
 and women in a gym between 1980 and 2010. The graph illustrates a steady increase in female
membership
 over the
years
,
while
 male
membership
 shows more fluctuation during the same period.
To begin
 with, the population of
men
 dramatically increased from 1980 to 1985.
Male
Add an article
The male
show examples
 population doubled from 2000 to 4000 in 5
years
. Not only
men
 but
also
 ,
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 population rose sharply from 1000 to 2000
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 it doubled in 5
years
.
However
, the report highlights boy
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
show examples
 upward trend over a later decade.
On the other hand
,
girl
Correct your spelling
female
show examples
 members
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 a downward trend in 10
years
. By the 2000s, male
membership
 significantly peaked,
whereas
 female
membership
 fell slightly.
Finally
, lad
participates
Replace the word
participation
show examples
 declined steeply from 2005 to 2010.
To sum up
,
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 shows fluctuated throughout the
years
 between 1980 and 2010. But in
case
Correct determiner usage
this case
show examples
, women
illustrates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
remained steady
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 bonus during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the
years
 between 1980 and 2010
Submitted by ahmetmanafli on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words membership, men, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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