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Band 6.5

The line graph shows male and female gym membership over a thirty-year period. The vertical axis represets the number of members in units of 1000. The horizontal axis represents the period from 1980 to 2010

The line graph shows male and female gym membership over a thirty-year period. The vertical axis represets the number of members in units of 1000. The horizontal axis represents the period from 1980 to 2010
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The line graph indicates the
membership
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and women in a gym between 1980 and 2010. The graph illustrates a steady increase in female
membership
Use synonyms
 over the
years
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 male
membership
Use synonyms
 shows more fluctuation during the same period.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the population of
men
Use synonyms
 dramatically increased from 1980 to 1985.
Male
Add an article
The male
show examples
 population doubled from 2000 to 4000 in 5
years
Use synonyms
. Not only
men
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 ,
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 population rose sharply from 1000 to 2000
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
mean
Change the verb form
means
show examples
 it doubled in 5
years
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the report highlights boy
members
Change noun form
members'
member's
show examples
 upward trend over a later decade.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
girl
Correct your spelling
female
show examples
 members
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 a downward trend in 10
years
Use synonyms
. By the 2000s, male
membership
Use synonyms
 significantly peaked,
whereas
Linking Words
 female
membership
Use synonyms
 fell slightly.
Finally
Linking Words
, lad
participates
Replace the word
participation
show examples
 declined steeply from 2005 to 2010.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 shows fluctuated throughout the
years
Use synonyms
 between 1980 and 2010. But in
case
Correct determiner usage
this case
show examples
, women
illustrates
Verb problem
apply
show examples
remained steady
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 bonus during
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the
years
Use synonyms
 between 1980 and 2010

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 89%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words membership, men, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrates" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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