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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#discipline #schools #people #responsibility #teachers #role #parents
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One of the problems which modern schools are dealing with
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
discipline
. There is some disagreement about who should
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for that,
parents
 or
teachers
. I believe that
teachers
 are a better choice
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 job. These days, people consider that
parents
 are much better at teaching
discipline
 because of the amount of time they spend with their children. They could put it
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their daily routine and convert it
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a lesson for teaching them.
However
, it sounds great but it could have some negative aspects as well. If they don't talk properly, maybe their children think that their
parents
 are going to force them
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
using
Verb problem
do
show examples
 some task. So it needs some skills for
parents
 to do
this
 job with precision.
On the other hand
, the idea which
i
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I
show examples
 strongly agree with it is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
role
Add an article
the role
show examples
 of
teachers
. Children spend about half of their day in school with their friends and
teachers
. They could ask for a person who is
proffetional
Correct your spelling
professional
 at
this
 subject to hold a speech or maybe create a class in their schedule. So in
this
 class they can talk and teach them how their lives will be affected by using
discipline
 and ignoring that may lead
many
Change preposition
to many
show examples
 bad consequences.
Moreover
, they can teach their pupils
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 teamwork so when they get involved with some practical issue they may
get
Verb problem
understand
show examples
 the importance. In summary, I absolutely agree that students should learn
discipline
 in a proper environment with people who are professionals in their field. being tough in school not only
give
Change the verb form
gives
show examples
 them knowledge but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
creates a place to achieve a good experience.
Submitted by helia on

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task achievement
You generally responded well to the task by discussing both sides of the argument and providing your own opinion. However, further elaboration and specific examples could strengthen your points on why teachers should be responsible for discipline.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. You effectively use paragraphs to separate different ideas. However, consider smoother transitions between some points to enhance the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion on discipline issues and clearly states your opinion.
task achievement
You provide a reasonable discussion of parents' and teachers' roles in instilling discipline, fulfilling the task requirements well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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