Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?

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Nowadays, celebrity culture is at
it's
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its
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peak. Many
celebrities
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such
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as actors,
atheletes
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athletes
and singers earn hefty amounts with their
larger than life
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larger-than-life
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persona. I completely disagree with the notion that
celebrities
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should be paid higher amounts and will explain why I think that healthcare providers should be highly paid.
Celebrities
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generate tremendous
amount
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amounts
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of prestige and revenue from brand endorsements, movies and sports.
However
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, it is only significant for them and does not contribute to society. What they offer is completely
unnecessory
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unnecessary
.
For example
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, people will be happier without movies and pop music which is often a terrible influence on youngsters. Many of them flaunt their sumptuous lifestyle on social media which sets unrealistic standards for their followers.
Consequently
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, they exert
Correct article usage
an undesireable
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undesireable
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undesirable
influence on society. So, they should not be paid in billions of dollars.
Besides
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that, there are many professions which are underpaid in comparison to the services they offer. Healthcare providers
such
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as doctors and nurses work long shifts in order to make
their
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apply
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ends meet.
Although
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the nature of their job is perilous and is full of stress,
but
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apply
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still they go to
lenghts
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lengths
to provide extra care.
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in the deadly pandemic, paramedics were the ones, providing services and care to those in need. Despite all these efforts, the income they produce is much lower than
celebrities
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which in turn can create a feeling of
unfullfilment
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unfulfillment
fulfilment
and anxiety from their jobs. In conclusion, distinguished individuals are paid
considerable
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a considerable
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amount of wealth
while
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assidous
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assiduous
assiduously
folks like paramedics are still figuring out
with
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apply
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their average salaries which is an alarming situation as it can lead to job dissatisfaction.
Submitted by georgeanum650 on

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clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that the ideas you present are clearer and do not seem contradictory, especially when discussing the impact of movies and pop music.
relevant specific examples
Your examples should be more specific and explicitly linked to the point you are trying to establish. For instance, elaborate on how the influence of celebrities can lead to larger societal issues.
complete response
Work on maintaining an objective tone and avoid sweeping generalizations such as 'people will be happier without movies and pop music.' Offer a balanced perspective.
logical structure
Your essay shows a good logical structure with clear arguments and examples that support your idea, especially in the healthcare provider section.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your argument and provide a clear stance on the topic.
supported main points
You have managed to create a balanced argument and your main points explain your views clearly and cohesively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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