IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. #plans #show #park

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The map compares the Grange Park in 1920 and how develops present-day.
Overall
 it can be seen that new parks have become more for entertainment and quite crowded.
To begin
 with, in 1920 in the middle of the park there was a fountain and
then
 today, it replaced the rose garden surrounding
with
Correct pronoun usage
it with
show examples
 seats. Next to the fountain, there was a stage for musicians new it has changed to an amphitheatre for concerts. On the right of the map at the top exactly at the corner, there was a rose garden and
then
 today, they built a cafe. Near the garden was a pond for water plants they damaged and it replaced the children's play area.
Moreover
, they change the class house to the water feature.
Submitted by maha.wed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Use linking words to naturally connect ideas.
task achievement
For task achievement, provide a more comprehensive analysis of the changes to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the maps. Include any noticeable trends or overarching themes.
task achievement
The essay attempts to compare the features of the park from 1920 to today, touching on key elements like the fountain and rose garden.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear contrast between elements present in 1920 and those present today, indicating an understanding of the task's requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
What to do next:
Look at other essays: