Social Media has made it easy to be in touch with your friends and family. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, with the development of technology, social
media
Use synonyms
platforms play an essential role in
people
Use synonyms
's daily lives, and many believe that it enhances
individuals
Use synonyms
' connection with their families and friends.
However
Linking Words
, from my point of view, the disadvantages of social
media
Use synonyms
is overweigh
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
the advantages. First of all, it seems that social
media
Use synonyms
allows
people
Use synonyms
to get in touch with one another instantly,
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
should feel more connected. But actually, the opposite is true.
According to
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
the University of Cambridge, human beings are lonelier,
depressed
Correct quantifier usage
more depressed
show examples
and
anxious
Correct quantifier usage
more anxious
show examples
than ever, and turning to
theraphy
Correct your spelling
therapy
and
antideppressants
Correct your spelling
antidepressants
to cope. The reason for
this
Linking Words
phenomenon is that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a social
anmial
Correct your spelling
animals
, and
people
Use synonyms
need more connection in the real world
instead
Linking Words
of merely communicating with others by sharing pictures or typing words on the internet.
Secondly
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
the main
paltform
Correct your spelling
platform
for
people
Use synonyms
to share their daily lives,
instead
Linking Words
of paying attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
events,
such
Linking Words
as tasting delicious food or chatting with others, an increasing number of
individuals
Use synonyms
spend extensive time and energy on taking outstanding pictures and using photoshop to retouch those pictures in order to show, not to enjoy, the best moments of their lives, which will lead to both physical and psychological problems in the long term.
Last
Linking Words
but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lease
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
, the leakage of personal information on social
media
Use synonyms
causes serious problems
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, increasing the rate of fraud and decreasing the index of personal safety. The advancement of Artificial Intelligence makes
this
Linking Words
problem even worse, with the easy
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
of faking videos with faking sounds,
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
significant negative influences on the trust between
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe the disadvantages of social
media
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
far
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
exceed its advantages, and
individuals
Use synonyms
should not
saturate
Wrong verb form
be saturated
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
virtual reality, but focus more on the real world.
Submitted by maysunpiano67 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

relevant specific examples
Ensure to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will enhance the relevance and support for your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on presenting your ideas clearly and comprehensively, with more detailed explanation if necessary.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively present the writer's stance on the subject.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with paragraphs that each address a distinct point of discussion, contributing to the overall coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized communication
  • fostered relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • heightened awareness
  • global issues
  • engaged
  • supportive community
  • privacy risks
  • data breaches
  • identity theft
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety and depression
  • fear of missing out (FOMO)
  • digital literacy
  • critical thinking
  • safeguard
What to do next:
Look at other essays: