IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
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Nowadays, people are suffering from health issues
such
 as diabetes which is mainly caused by
over consuming
Correct your spelling
overconsumption of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sugar
. Some experts believe that sugary
products
 should be made more expensive to decrease
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 usage.
Although
 it seems to be a great solution, I think there are better ways to help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to reduce
sugar
 in their daily meals. Generally, it is said that school is the most effective place to build up
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 behaviour. It means that teachers should teach about a healthy regime which contains vegetables and organic
products
 and avoid eating manufactured foods which contain high levels of
sugar
. Another effective tool is the media.
The internet
Correct article usage
Internet
show examples
 users usually believe social network essays
wether
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 it is true or not. The government can use
this
 way to make the community aware of a healthy diet and tell them about the circumstances that are caused by
sugar
 over-use.
Consequently
, people will choose their food more wisely. Having said that, some recommend that the price of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar containing
Add a hyphen
sugar-containing
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products
 should be
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
. They argue that
this
 action is the fastest way to prevent consumers from buying sweet
products
.
However
, most of them think that other aspects should be considered before increasing the
products
’
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
. In conclusion, bad diet
habbit
Correct your spelling
habit
habits
 is causing lots of health problems. The government can plan to teach pupils or
make
Verb problem
raise
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an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness by using social media. In my opinion,
although
 increasing sugary product
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 can change
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 behaviour
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a great pace, teaching can have better results over a long period.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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