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Band 5

In spite of improvement in the healthcare by governments many people in developed countries are suffering from overweight and obesity. What are the causes of this and what other the impacts

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The
increase
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 in
obesity
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 rate, particularly in developed countries has become
vital
Add an article
a vital
the vital
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 topic of
debates
Fix the agreement mistake
debate
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.
Although
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 the healthcare services in rich countries have increased dramatically, the
obesity
Use synonyms
 rate has risen excessively, too.
While
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 there are important factors toward
this
Linking Words
 issue, harmful impacts should be considered, which will be discussed. First of all,
although
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 healthcare services in developed nations have been fostered over the years, the number of people who suffer from
obesity
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 increased. there are two main vital reasons
toward
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Firstly
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, nowadays, many individuals have
a sedentary lifestyles
Correct the article-noun agreement
a sedentary lifestyle
sedentary lifestyles
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, which will lead to detrimental consequences
such
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 as
obesity
Use synonyms
 challenges.
For instance
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, consider a staff, who has a full-time job which requires sitting on a chair for a long period.
Secondly
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, eating excessive fast food meals
have been
Wrong verb form
has
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 resulted in numerous challenges
such
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 as
obesity
Use synonyms
, particularly among younger generations.
As a result
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, these kinds of reasons can contribute to harmful effects,
such
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 as the
increase
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 in rates of
obesity
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.
Conversely
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,
obesity
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 can
cause
Verb problem
have
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 harmful impacts on both individuals and societies. the most significant one is
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
increase
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 in heart-attack diseases.
Thus
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,
obesity
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 can inherently
increase
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 heart problems.
Moreover
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, some individuals who suffer from the
obesity
Use synonyms
 problems may feel a sense of isolation. A prime illustration of
this
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 is an obese man who can not engage in physical activities with his peers,
such
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 as running or playing volleyball,
due to
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 his
overweighting
Replace the word
overweight
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. In conclusion,
although
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 healthcare programmes have been improved, across the globe, many people suffer from
obesity
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 some important reasons
such
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 as sedentary lifestyles.
Additionally
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, these negative impacts can significantly result in physical and emotional problems
such
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 as heart disease and feelings of isolation.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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