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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #location #dance #classes #people #town #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
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The graphs below illustrate data on the
location
 and styles of
dance
classes
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 people in a city in Australia are now presenting .
Overall
, there are 4
location
Change to a plural noun
locations
show examples
 of
dance
classes
 and their percentages,
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 types of
dance
 lessons by
age
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
,but there are only 2
age
 groups and 3 categories of
dance
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
.
Location
Fix the agreement mistake
Locations
show examples
 of
dance
classes
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 4
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
community
halls
 and other , private
studios
 , college-based
studios
 ,
school
Correct word choice
and school
show examples
halls
 . The most useful locations are private
studios
 with 48% and the least useful locations are
college based
Add a hyphen
college-based
show examples
studios
 with 10% .
Also
, community
halls
 and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
slightly
Add a missing verb
are slightly
show examples
 more than college-based
studios
 18% .
Additionally
, School
halls
 with 24% demonstrated
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
location
 for
dance
classes
. Types of
dance
classes
 by
age
 group are two
such
 as , under 11 and 11-16 and types of
dance
 genres are three :
ballet
, tap and modern. The most number of
students
 under 11
participates
Correct subject-verb agreement
participate
show examples
 in
ballet
 , there are 600
students
 and the least in
modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
show examples
 type of
dance
 with 300
students
. Obviously, in
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group between 11-
16
Add a comma
16,
show examples
 it is significantly different,
Change preposition
with
show examples
a lot of
students
 attending modern
dance
 than
ballet
 .
Therefore
, in
this
age
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 approximately 510
students
 participate in modern ,
also
 above 300
students
 in
ballet
.
Furthermore
,
Under
Correct pronoun usage
those Under
show examples
 11
students
 prefer more learn
ballet
 and 11-16 modern kind of
dance
Submitted by nurymbetova.aray on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, such".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words location, dance, classes, age, halls, studios, ballet, students with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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