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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graphs below illustrate data on the
location
Use synonyms
 and styles of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 people in a city in Australia are now presenting .
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 4
Use synonyms
location
Change to a plural noun
locations
show examples
 of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 and their percentages,
Linking Words
also
Rephrase
as well as
show examples
 types of
dance
Use synonyms
 lessons by
age
Use synonyms
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
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,but there are only 2
age
Use synonyms
 groups and 3 categories of
dance
Use synonyms
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
.
Use synonyms
Location
Fix the agreement mistake
Locations
show examples
 of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 4
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
community
halls
Use synonyms
 and other , private
studios
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 , college-based
studios
Use synonyms
 ,
school
Correct word choice
and school
show examples
halls
Use synonyms
 . The most useful locations are private
studios
Use synonyms
 with 48% and the least useful locations are
college based
Add a hyphen
college-based
show examples
studios
Use synonyms
 with 10% .
Also
Linking Words
, community
halls
Use synonyms
 and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
slightly
Add a missing verb
are slightly
show examples
 more than college-based
studios
Use synonyms
 18% .
Additionally
Linking Words
, School
halls
Use synonyms
 with 24% demonstrated
average
Correct article usage
an average
show examples
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of
location
Use synonyms
 for
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
. Types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 by
age
Use synonyms
 group are two
such
Linking Words
 as , under 11 and 11-16 and types of
dance
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 genres are three :
ballet
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, tap and modern. The most number of
students
Use synonyms
 under 11
participates
Correct subject-verb agreement
participate
show examples
 in
ballet
Use synonyms
 , there are 600
students
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 and the least in
modern
Add an article
the modern
a modern
show examples
 type of
dance
Use synonyms
 with 300
students
Use synonyms
. Obviously, in
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group between 11-
16
Add a comma
16,
show examples
 it is significantly different,
Change preposition
with
show examples
a lot of
students
Use synonyms
 attending modern
dance
Use synonyms
 than
ballet
Use synonyms
 .
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Add a comma
group,
show examples
 approximately 510
students
Use synonyms
 participate in modern ,
also
Linking Words
 above 300
students
Use synonyms
 in
ballet
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Under
Correct pronoun usage
those Under
show examples
 11
students
Use synonyms
 prefer more learn
ballet
Use synonyms
 and 11-16 modern kind of
dance
Use synonyms

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, such".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words location, dance, classes, age, halls, studios, ballet, students with synonyms.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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