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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people in the UK who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day between 2001 and 2008

The chart below shows the percentage of people in the UK who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day between 2001 and 2008
#percentage #people #uk #five #portions #fruit #vegetables
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The
chart
Use synonyms
 gives information about the proportion of residents in The United Kingdom
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
were eat
Change the verb form
were eating
show examples
 healthy food
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
every day from 2001 to 2008 . The units are measured by %.
Overall
Linking Words
, the bar
chart
Use synonyms
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 three categories of people
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
, male and female.
Which the
Correct pronoun usage
The
show examples
 majority healthier were
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
, the
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the highest rate
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the kids
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
 the lowest percentage in the
chart
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, in the first three years in the
chart
Use synonyms
 ,
children
Use synonyms
 were unchanged
an
Correct your spelling
at
show examples
 approximately 13 % ,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 the men
also
Linking Words
rech
Correct your spelling
reach
 to just over 15 % .
However
Linking Words
, the percentages of
children
Use synonyms
 and
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
are increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 gradually
during
Change preposition
between
show examples
 2004 and 2006
then
Linking Words
 the per cent of men
hitting
Wrong verb form
hit
show examples
a peak in the year 2006 to
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 up over 25 %
in contrast
Linking Words
, the higher point
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 was in the year 2007 to reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 26 per cent.
Then
Linking Words
 the rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dipped in the
last
Linking Words
 period of
Use synonyms
chart
Add an article
the chart
show examples
 to
accounted
Change the form of the verb
account
show examples
 for under 25 %. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women's
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend generally.
Submitted by sialamer on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, children with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Portion
  • Consumption
  • Fluctuation
  • Trend
  • Campaign
  • Public health
  • Dietary habits
  • Implications
  • Age group
  • Guidelines
  • Five-a-day
  • Nutrition
  • Lifestyle change
  • Increase
  • Decrease
  • Chart
  • Percentage
  • Data analysis
  • Diet
  • Healthy eating
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