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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below illustrate which of 3 fast food restaurants were the most preferred amongst teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 and predictions for 2027. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below illustrate which of 3 fast food restaurants were the most preferred amongst teenagers in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 and predictions for 2027. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#food #restaurants #teenagers #vietnam #indonesia #predictions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The pie charts provide information about the three most popular
fast-food
Use synonyms
 restaurants among
teenagers
Use synonyms
 in Vietnam and Indonesia in 2017 and their predictions for 2027.
Overall
Linking Words
, in Vietnam, except for
Burger
Use synonyms
 King, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer
KFC
Use synonyms
 and
McDonald
Use synonyms
's will
increase
Use synonyms
 in 2027.
However
Linking Words
, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of Indonesian
teenagers
Use synonyms
 who like
McDonald
Use synonyms
's and
Burger
Use synonyms
 King will decrease. Notably,
McDonald
Use synonyms
's will be the most popular in 2027 in both countries. In Vietnam, more than half of the young population ate their
fast-food
Use synonyms
meals
Use synonyms
 at
Burger
Use synonyms
 King;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 will decrease slightly to 39% in 2027.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who preferred
McDonald
Use synonyms
's was 43.1%, and
this
Linking Words
 will
increase
Use synonyms
 to 57.4%, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 among the other
fast-food
Use synonyms
 restaurants.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
KFC
Use synonyms
 was the least popular
fast-food
Use synonyms
 place, at only around 4.1%, and it will
increase
Use synonyms
 slightly to 6.3%. Meanwhile, the majority of Indonesian
teenagers
Use synonyms
 in 2017 liked to eat their
fast-food
Use synonyms
meals
Use synonyms
 at
McDonald
Use synonyms
's, which accounted for 60.8%;
however
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will fall to 48.5% after ten years. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who ate their
meals
Use synonyms
 at
KFC
Use synonyms
 will have the largest fluctuation, increasing from 23.8% to approximately 39% in 2027. Despite
this
Linking Words
increase
Use synonyms
 in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer
KFC
Use synonyms
,
McDonald
Use synonyms
's will still be the most common
fast-food
Use synonyms
 restaurant in 2027.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 who ate their
meals
Use synonyms
 at
Burger
Use synonyms
 King will fall marginally from 15.4% to 12.3%.
Submitted by zuhrakhirie1997 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words fast-food, teenagers, burger, people, kfc, mcdonald, increase, meals, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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