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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Task 1. The graph show the participation of australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparisons where releavnt . task 1

Task 1. The graph show the participation of australian children in sports outside school hours in 2014. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feautures and make comparisons where releavnt . task 1
#show #participation #australian #children #sports #school #hours #summarise #information #feautures #comparisons #releavnt
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The bar chart presents the proportion of five distinct
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 options for Australian youngsters to attend after school in 2014.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 most of
Use synonyms
boys
Add an article
the boys
show examples
 in 2014
were tend
Wrong verb form
tended
show examples
 to participate in football,
whereas
Linking Words
 netball
class
Use synonyms
 was made up for the highest percentage of
girls
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the options of basketball and no sports were nearly
identital
Correct your spelling
identical
 in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 genders. Looking at the chart in more detail, we can see that
football
Correct article usage
the football
show examples
 course was constituted by 20% of
boys
Use synonyms
, which is approximately five times as many as that of
girls
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, there are 18% of
girls
Use synonyms
 choose to attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
netball
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
, compared to only one-ninth of
boys
Use synonyms
 who picked the same
extracurriculum
Correct your spelling
extra curriculum
extra-curriculum
extracurricular
 subject. As for the
remainers
Correct your spelling
remainder
, the occupations of both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 children that
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 basketball course and none are less than netball, football , and swimming
class
Use synonyms
, with a total of 14% and 9% respectively. Turning to
Swimming
Correct article usage
the Swimming
show examples
class
Use synonyms
, girl attenders accounted for over 15%,
while
Linking Words
boys
Use synonyms
 comprised under 15%. More
girls
Use synonyms
 participated in
swimming
Correct article usage
the swimming
show examples
 course than
thier
Correct your spelling
their
boys
Use synonyms
 counterparts.
Submitted by yoona27513341 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, class, girls with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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