IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, people are not living longer the ever before. some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if he has more elderly people. To what extent to the advantages of having an Asian population outweigh the disadvantages.

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It is seen in many countries that
lifespans
Correct article usage
the lifespans
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 quite less as compared to
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that older
people
Use synonyms
 develop issues for governments and others
says
Change the verb form
say
show examples
 that they bring benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more disadvantages than advantages but I believe that old
people
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for
society
Use synonyms
. On the positive side, old
people
Use synonyms
 have
wealth
Correct article usage
a wealth
show examples
 of knowledge and experience which is essential for
society
Use synonyms
. They gain
this
Linking Words
 experience throughout their lives. They can guide and teach their
children's
Unnecessary verb
children
show examples
 in important aspects of life
such
Linking Words
 as making
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
marriages
Fix the agreement mistake
marriage
show examples
, money management and buying a house.
Instead
Linking Words
 of taking help from
outsider
Add an article
an outsider
show examples
, youngers can utilize the expert experience of their grandparents, On the negative side, having
Correct article usage
an excessive
show examples
excessive
Change the word
excessively
show examples
 older generation can increase
burden
Add an article
the burden
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
,
Government
Correct article usage
The Government
show examples
 need to focus on
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 and pension
plan
Fix the agreement mistake
plans
show examples
 of citizens. There will be
requirement
Add an article
a requirement
the requirement
show examples
 to open new hospitals,
hiring
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
 new staff
such
Linking Words
 as nurses and doctors
as well as
Linking Words
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 amount to pay pensions.
This
Linking Words
 technically
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
burden
Add an article
the burden
a burden
show examples
 on the authorities and they may cut the budget from other essential activities to fulfil the needs of older generations.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
vacant job opportunities can be disadvantageous. If
people
Use synonyms
 will live longer,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will be
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 chances of hiring new employees. It will be problematic for individuals. Individuals will struggle to find suitable jobs, if they
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not find perfect
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
 they
make
Verb problem
will
show examples
 select labor jobs.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will create a negative example for new graduates they may
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 interest in
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
. In conclusion, no doubt old
people
Use synonyms
 are
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 in every aspect of life but more old
people
Use synonyms
 in a
society
Use synonyms
 can bring many
dilemma
Change to a plural noun
dilemmas
show examples
 for public authorities, they can create hurdles for
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 like
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 job opportunities and establishment of hospitals
as well as
Linking Words
 pension plans. So
this
Linking Words
 trend has more demerits than merits.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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