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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the average proportion of
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in typically everyday dishes in the United States, which are
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
nutrients
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
 be unhealthy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
eaten excessively.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
found
Add a missing verb
is found
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 mostly in dinner
meals
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 snacks have a huge
amount
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
. Breakfast and lunch
meals
Use synonyms
 have
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
nearly the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of three nutrients.
Initially
Linking Words
, dinner
meals
Use synonyms
 have the largest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat among other dishes with 43 per cent and 37 per cent respectively, whilst
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 23 per cent of
sugar
Use synonyms
 added. Snacks have a significant number of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 nearly 42%
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
amount
Use synonyms
 of fat at 21% and
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 which is 14%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, lunch
meals
Use synonyms
 have almost the same
amount
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and fat which are 29%
sodium
Use synonyms
 and 26% fat, meanwhile having 19% of added
sugar
Use synonyms
. For
breakfast
Add a comma
breakfast,
show examples
 it is discovered that all three nutrients have the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 16% for
sodium
Use synonyms
 and added
sugar
Use synonyms
, and 14% for
sodium
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, sugar, percentage, meals, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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