IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Employer some time ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies, and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant or useful. Others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#employer #time #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests
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Forming the application form in order to apply for a job, has been a vital topic of debate.
While
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 some individuals believe that writing personal
information
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 is useful and practical, others would argue that it is not essential. Both sides of the argument
highligh
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highlight
 valuable points which will be discussed
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by my own perspective. First of all, individuals need to inform their employers about their personal
information
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such
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 as their interests and married status, so these
sorts
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 of
information
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 lead to various benefits for both employers and employees. A prime illustration of
this
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 is a young man who has just got
marridge
Correct your spelling
married
 and requires
for
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apply
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one week off to plan for his honeymoon.
As a result
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Add a comma
,
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if his
employer
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 had checked his application form at
first,
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he might guess these kinds of situations.
Moreover
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, by placing more emphasis on personal
information
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,
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this sort
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sorts
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 of
information
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 can help people to gain a deep understanding
about
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of
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 their
cowworkers
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co-workers
coworkers
charactors
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characters
, which can help them to find their common interests.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that writing personal
information
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 not only does not help
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employer
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employers
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 to make
an
Correct article usage
apply
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accurate
desicions
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decisions
, in order to hire their employees, but
also
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 might give them incorrect
information
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.
For instance
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, consider a man who writes inaccurate
information
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 about himself
such
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 as his
mariage stutus
Correct your spelling
marriage status
.
Therefore
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, these kinds of wrong
information
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 can lead to harmful consequences
such
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 as
a
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apply
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fine insurance.
Additionally
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, many employers can access to
sorts
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 of essential
information
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 by an online request in related websites. In conclusion, there are
varing
Correct your spelling
varying
 opinions about
informaing
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informing
employer
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 in terms of personal
information
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 in application job form.
Although
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 some people believe that it is crucial to inform
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employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
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 about personal
sorts
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 of
information
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, I strongly disagree and believe that
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employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
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 can access
to
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apply
show examples
these kinds of
information
Use synonyms
 if they really need them.
Submitted by mahanz on

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