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Writing Samples
Band 6

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of fruit and vegetables per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
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The bar chart compares the information about the proportion of people who consumed five pieces of
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 each day in the UK between 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
women
Correct article usage
the women
show examples
figure
Verb problem
apply
show examples
accounted for the highest
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 who consumed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 in
period
Add an article
a period
the period
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 of
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
ate
Correct pronoun usage
who ate
show examples
vegetables
Use synonyms
 witnessed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small
rate
Use synonyms
 compared to
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
. As the graph shows, consumed
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 by
men
Use synonyms
 experienced exactly the same
rate
Use synonyms
 around 17% between 2001 and 2003
compered
Correct your spelling
compared
show examples
 to only about 13% of
ate for
Verb problem
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 over the same year. The percentage of
men
Use synonyms
consumed
Correct pronoun usage
who consumed
show examples
 food slightly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2004 and 2006 from 22% to 28% respectively,
whereas
Linking Words
Add an article
the figure
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
children
Use synonyms
 were nearly 18% and 24%.
In addition
Linking Words
 in 2007 and
2008
Add a comma
2008,
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 witnessed nearly the same proportion
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
children
Use synonyms
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
approximately 25%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the women
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women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 accounted for the highest proportion until 2006.
Women
Use synonyms
 consumed
fruit
Use synonyms
 and
vegetables
Use synonyms
 started at 23% in 2001,
while
Linking Words
 it
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 over the 5 years with reached a peak
35
Change preposition
of 35
show examples
% in 2006.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
these
Change the determiner
this rate
these rates
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 saw
Correct article usage
a slightly
show examples
slightly
Change the word
slight
show examples
 decrease over the period from 32% and 30% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, whereas".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fruit, vegetables, women, children, rate, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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