IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents have an powerful influence in child's life, while the influence from outside the home plays a bigger part of child's development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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People
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 have
vary
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various
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opinion
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opinions
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 that which factor is more powerful to influence in child's life. Some
people
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 suggest that
parents
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 have
significant
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a significant
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impact
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while
Linking Words
 other
people
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 believe that influence from outside family plays
more
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a more
show examples
 important role. In my opinion,
parents
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is
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are
show examples
 vital to
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children
children's
chindren
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children
 development compared to other factors, The first reason is that
parents
Use synonyms
 have
a
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an
show examples
 essential
impact
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for
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on
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child 's
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a child 's
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 value.
Parents
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 are the first
teacher
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teachers
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 of
children
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 and their education style and moral
value
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values
show examples
 will affect
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children
Change noun form
children's
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behavious
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behaviours
behaviour
.
For example
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,
children
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 start
modifing
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modifying
 their
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parents
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parent's
parents'
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behavious
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behaviours
behaviour
since
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when
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 they are
baby
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babies
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.
Also
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, rules set by
parents
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 which
children
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 need to follow let
children
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to
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apply
show examples
clssify
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classify
 the right things and wrong things. The second reason is the family help
children
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 develop their
talent
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talents
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.
Warm
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A warm
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 family environment is the
basic
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basis
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 of
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 development and it is
benefit
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beneficial
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 for
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children
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children's
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study
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studying
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 ability and social
skill
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skills
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. If the family
member
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members
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 always support each other, the
children
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 will be brave and confident even in some difficult
time
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times
show examples
 because they know they are not alone and family will always
behind
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be behind
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 them.
Besides
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, many
parents
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 will provide resources and opportunities for their
children
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, like
leting
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letting
 their
children
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 go to
the
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apply
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extra-curriculum classes or some interest groups to help
children
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 develop their
hobby
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hobbies
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 which
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is improtant
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improtant
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important
 in young
peple
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people
 growth.
Though
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Through
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 these classes,
children
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also
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 can improve their
capatity
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capacity
 in cooperation and
collbroation
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collaboration
 with their peers. Some factors outside
home
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the home
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such
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 as school,
commiunty
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community
 may
impact
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 growth but they are not the main factor and
contribting
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contribute
for
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to
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 a shorter time.
Parents
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 accompany
with
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apply
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their
children
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 since their
children
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born
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are born
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.
Besides
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, good and responsible
parents
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 can help
children
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 well
perpared
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prepared
 for the pressure and challenge from
outside
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the outside
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 environment. In conclusion, I suppose that
parents
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 have
more
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a more
show examples
 powerful
impact
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for
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on
show examples
children
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 and provide a
foundemental
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fundamental
 basis for
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 future growth.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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