Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Huy Tran

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A lot of people believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
should just focus on teaching students academic
subjects
for future careers,
while
others argue that
subjects
such
as music and physical education are
also
essential. Two aforementioned opinions will be discussed in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. On the one hand, academic learning
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
an indispensable part of University,it not only helps us improve our thinking but
also
our creativity.
Furthermore
, academic
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
are very important and
nescessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
in every major we choose in college
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because after graduating, these academic skills will help us in
the
Change the word
our
show examples
future careers. To illustrate, careers
such
as scientific research and accounting will require academic mathematics.
On the other hand
, music and physical education
subjects
are
indispenable
Correct your spelling
indispensable
after every
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
class. Music helps us relax and see life from a different perspective, physical activity helps us increase muscle and body flexibility. Through talent
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
, schools can find talented people and invest in them with skills that are lacking. A recent research conducted at Havard University shows that 69%
famous
Change preposition
of famous
show examples
singers discovered their talent
while
still in school. In general, academic
subjects
and extracurricular
subjects
are all important in shaping the future and career of students
while
still in school. In my point of view,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
think we should spend more time
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
academic
Add an article
the academic
show examples
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
because when you have a vast source of knowledge develop yourself at your own discretion
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
have high job opportunities and be trusted by employers. 1 2 3
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: