IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
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Nowadays, university
students
 have a tendency to learn other
subjects
besides
 their main
one
.
However
,
this
 brings into the
topics
Fix the agreement mistake
topic
show examples
whether
Change preposition
of whether
show examples
 it is important to spend time studying other
subjects
 or focus all the attention
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
.
This
 essay will explore and elucidate both viewpoints.
To begin
 with, it is true that the trend to learn other additional
subjects
 has been quite popular among university
students
.
This
 may be caused by the curiosity of each
students
Change to a singular noun
student
show examples
 to learn other fields
as
Correct word choice
so as
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 to increase their knowledge related to their interests.
Furthermore
, many
students
 choose the
subjects
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 still related to their main ones.
For instance
, the current studies from
Faculty
Correct article usage
the Faculty
show examples
 of Law of
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of Indonesia show that numerous criminology
students
 tend to learn other
subjects
 from other
faculty
, mainly from
Faculty
Correct article usage
the Faculty
show examples
 of Art. The reason for
this
 is that
one
 of the
factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
show examples
 to know how the way of criminals thinking is through their social and cultural background.
Therefore
,
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 other
subjects
 from other
faculty
 might be promising for them to increase their knowledge related to their fields.
On the other hand
, some people argue that it is important to
focusing
Change the form of the verb
focus
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attention
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your current studies with
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
subjects
besides
 your main
one
.
This
 can be explained by the fact that there are still numerous
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 pass the bar, even though they already focusing
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 without any
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
.
This
 shows that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no
guarantee
Fix the agreement mistake
guarantees
show examples
although
 you are dedicated
yourself
Change preposition
to yourself
show examples
trough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 your
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 end you will still pass the bar.
Hence
, some of them believe rather than you wasting your time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
subjects
, it is better to focus on your mandatory
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
. In conclusion, there are persuasive arguments supporting both opinions.
However
, I tend to concur that it is better to focus
your
Change preposition
on your
show examples
 main
subjects
 for qualifications
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 unless it is necessary to learn
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 and you have the capability to study both of them in
an excellent results
Correct the article-noun agreement
excellent results
an excellent result
show examples
.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
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  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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