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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevent

The graphs below show the percentage of men and women aged 60-64 who were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevent
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The two line charts below illustrate the percentage of males and females who are aged between 60-64 who were employed in Belgium, the USA, Japan and Australia in different two years.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that the
men
Use synonyms
's percentage in each country and year is over the women's percentage.
While
Linking Words
 in Belgium the female employees are roughly none. There is a big difference between the
men
Use synonyms
's
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in Belgium, in 1970 it was 79% and after 30 years it decreased to around 60%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In the USA the number of
men
Use synonyms
 employed was mostly the same. But in comparison with women's employment in the USA
men
Use synonyms
 are double. Japan was approximately the same in spite of the years, The
men
Use synonyms
 employees were 85% in 1970.
In addition
Linking Words
, in the same
year
Add a comma
year,
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 women's employment was 43%.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the Australian
men
Use synonyms
 who had a job in 1970 were 76%, and 47% in 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is the halving in
female's
Change noun form
female
show examples
 employment.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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