Some people think that higher institutions should concentrate more on academic subjects such as history and the physical sciences, while others think that they should concentrate more on practical subjects such as car mechanics and cookery, and so on. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In recent years, opinions
differ
Wrong verb form
have differed
show examples
regarding whether or not educational
majors
should be taught to high
school
students
more than practical
majors
.
While
some critics insist that practical
majors
are more important than educational
majors
, I personally disagree with
this
assertion
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. On the one hand, there are reasons why high
school
students
have to learn practical
majors
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
.
Firstly
, they can specialise more in their careers through these
majors
. To explain, they
more quickly
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
can learn and know several things that employees learn directly in the field
such
as mechanics and cookery in the
school
, which makes them strengthen their professional traits and have professionalism.
On the other hand
, it is apparent that educational
majors
have a major effect on
students
.
Firstly
, almost all countries' high
school
students
go to universities by the exam of educational
majors
.
For example
, in South Korea, the national college entrance exam includes Korean, English, mathematics,
science
and history
majors
, which means it is important to enter college. On top of that, history and
science
positively exert a huge amount of influence on society,Especially, there are more
students
who are good at
science
if
science
intensively is taught
students
.
As a result
, it is likely that scientific technical and medical fields will develop in the future. For these reasons, it makes national power strengthens through economic growth In conclusion,
while
it is undeniable that high
school
students
can have professionalism
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
practical
majors
,
it is clear that
educational
majors
influence
students
and society.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you plan to discuss, to enhance the reader's understanding from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Include a more explicit conclusion to summarize the main arguments and restate your opinion.
task achievement
Be explicit in explaining how examples support your arguments, as this strengthens your reasoning and task achievement score.
task achievement
Your essay successfully addresses both perspectives on the issue, showing an understanding of the task.
task achievement
You present clear and comprehensive ideas, particularly when discussing the benefits of educational majors.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure, with clear paragraphs addressing different aspects of the question, helps guide the reader smoothly through your arguments.
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