IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past 30 years that may cities in the world are now "one big traffic jam" How true do you think this statement is? What measurement can government take to avoid this.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The past 30 years have evidenced a rampant increase in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
car ownership leading to a concerning problem of
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 in most of the cities in the world. I truly believe
this
Linking Words
 because
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 alarming situation, many employees reach their offices late, daily. In order to prevent
this
Linking Words
 issue, the government should initiate methods like car-pooling. To embark on,
traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion has definitely become the prime problem in
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of the developed cities.
This
Linking Words
 seems to have
arised
Correct your spelling
arisen
show examples
 from the fact that,
due to
Linking Words
 higher employment prospects, many people migrate to
such
Linking Words
 cities each day,
consequently
Linking Words
 resulting in over
increasing
Correct your spelling
over-increasing
show examples
 population.
This
Linking Words
 in turn causes crowding in public transport means like buses, trains and metros,
along with
Linking Words
 huge queues for purchasing tickets. To avoid
this
Linking Words
, people prefer to buy their own
vehicles
Use synonyms
. But in the long run, the
number
Use synonyms
 of private
vehicles
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased incessantly, ultimately causing
trafffic
Correct your spelling
traffic
 jams on all routes.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, a large
number
Use synonyms
 of employees report to their workplaces beyond permissible times, daily. As an
illustrstion
Correct your spelling
illustration
,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of constructing new highways and bridges, the citizens of Mumbai and Bangalore are dealing with huge
traffic
Use synonyms
 blockages on a day-to-day basis. To cater to
this
Linking Words
 problem of overcrowding of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on the roads, the official bodies must
eduacte
Correct your spelling
educate
 the public about the strategies like car-pooling.
This
Linking Words
 will lessen the
number
Use synonyms
 of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 on the roads as workers of the same company residing in the same vicinity can travel together by one car
instead
Linking Words
 of multiple cars. Ultimately, the reduction in
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 will loosen the
traffic
Use synonyms
 blockages and
poeople
Correct your spelling
people
 will be able to reach their offices on time.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 many citizens of the western countries have adopted carpooling with their colleagues to reach their offices on time. To summarize, the fact that the
number
Use synonyms
 of personal
vehicles
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 increased drastically over the past 30 years is highly alarming as it has negative consequences on the office employees.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
authoritarian bodies should implement measures like carpooling to cater to
this
Linking Words
 issue.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure all spelling errors are corrected, e.g., 'arised' should be 'arisen', 'illustrstion' should be 'illustration', and 'poeople' should be 'people'.
task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples to illustrate your points, such as statistics or quotes from studies, to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Check for minor grammatical issues such as 'inspite' which should be 'in spite'.
coherence cohesion
Use clear linking phrases to make transitions between ideas smoother and improve the flow of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your conclusion reinforces your main points clearly and succinctly, summarizing your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, supporting paragraphs, and a conclusion, which enhances readability and organization.
task achievement
You have addressed the task effectively by responding to both parts of the question, providing a balanced argument.
task achievement
The essay presents some valid solutions to the issue of traffic congestion, showing a good understanding of the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: