IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There goes a saying ‘Pressure makes diamonds’. Many people claim that placing intense pressure on students can do wonders for their growth, while others believe that pressure is useless and is conducive to other undesirable problems.

It is believed that pressuring
students
Use synonyms
 can allow them to develop more effectively whilst others argue that that technique may be a catalyst for potential mental and physical damage in the future,
thus
Linking Words
, useless. Personally, I believe
pressure
Use synonyms
 can have long-term consequences for
students
Use synonyms
 in the long term. On the one hand,
pressure
Use synonyms
 does play a role in the development of
students
Use synonyms
, especially in the modern world. When people get hammered
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a need to do something and do it well, it creates a sense of urgency — having to meet the deadline and expectation before it expires. That nature of
pressure
Use synonyms
 could compel individuals to be innovative and try out new methodologies they have never done before, probably sparking revolutionary inventions in the process.
Furthermore
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, pressuring
students
Use synonyms
 can teach
students
Use synonyms
 resilience in a modern world filled with distractors. Social media, interpersonal relationships and the natural expectations of society could negatively affect
children
Use synonyms
 not familiar with
pressure
Use synonyms
. Both of these points are clearly demonstrated with the advent of nuclear power. It was created for powering the military of the US and USSR but still remains relevant today as an alternative source of power to combat humanity’s impact on the environment.
On the other hand
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, there are drawbacks to using
pressure
Use synonyms
 for a developing student in the
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
. Indeed the stress-inducing mechanism of
pressure
Use synonyms
 can create motivation but may backfire under prolonged exposure.
This
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 is because constant
pressure
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 allows no room for stress to be let off, resulting in the latter accumulating until the person
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 withstand more. Being immature,
children
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 may have a detrimental mental health response to stress
such
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 as depression and anxiety.
Furthermore
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, the methods used to build
pressure
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 may have significant ethical considerations. To comprehensively
pressure
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 someone, something important might be at risk, usually restrictions on a person’s daily activities.
However
Linking Words
, young
students
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 form a misconception that
this
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 is normal rather than forfeit of their inherent rights as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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.
Therefore
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,
pressure
Use synonyms
 can
also
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 be the bane of student growth. In my opinion,
pressure
Use synonyms
 can be a valuable tool in helping
students
Use synonyms
 grow.
However
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, excessive use of
pressure
Use synonyms
 can leave consequences
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
children
Use synonyms
 that may negate any possible benefits.
Therefore
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, the use of
pressure
Use synonyms
 in
children
Use synonyms
’s development should be done moderately with extreme care to maximise its benefits. In conclusion, whilst placing
pressure
Use synonyms
 on
children
Use synonyms
 does have benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 has underlying risks when applied inappropriately. Only through careful use of it and combining it with other techniques can
pressure
Use synonyms
 effectively help
children
Use synonyms
 grow.

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, consider the use of more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly between your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph and main point directly supports your thesis or main argument to strengthen cohesion.
task achievement
Your essay provides a thorough response to the task, addressing both sides of the argument about pressure on students.
task achievement
The examples used to explain the impact of pressure are specific and relevant, such as the role of nuclear power development.
coherence cohesion
Logical arguments are well-presented with clear paragraphing, making it easy to follow your points.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, providing a clear thesis and summarizing your viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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