Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #mothers #time #government #support

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It is believed by some that mothers must engage majorly in raising their children, and

hence

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it is the responsibility of the governing authorities to provide them with

the

Correct article usage

apply

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financial

support

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. I strongly oppose

this

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view,

firstly

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because the

government

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has more crucial things to cater to like the

Use synonyms

defense

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defence

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and medical systems of the nation.

Secondly

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, empowering the mothers to become independent will benefit

Correct pronoun usage

them in

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the long run. To commence with, governmental bodies are established

for making

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to make

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and executing

Add an article

a plan

the plan

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plan

Fix the agreement mistake

plans

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for developing the nation as a whole by strengthening its medical,

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defense

Change the spelling

defence

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, employment and educational sectors.

Moreover

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, for these tasks, the governmental bodies have a stipulated annual budget. Helping the

women

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by supporting

Linking Words

then

Correct your spelling

them

show examples

financially will lead depletion of monetary reserves, resulting in the low quality of health services

as well as

Linking Words

a compromised

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defense

Change the spelling

defence

show examples

mechanism of the nation.

For example

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, a new scheme by

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government

Correct article usage

the government

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of Maharashtra provides monthly financial help to all

women

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, which ultimately reduces the funds available for

other important development plan

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another important development plan

other important development plans

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of the state.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, it

Add a missing verb

is of

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prime importance to make all

women

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rasing

Correct your spelling

raising

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their families independent in terms of earning money.

Additionally

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, providing money as a

support

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tends to weaken these individuals rendering them

to become

Verb problem

apply

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dependent. To add on,

this

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might

also

Linking Words

lead some of them to become lazy and complacent about their stagnant lives.

Therefore

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, it is the prime responsibility of the

government

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to empower these

women

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by imparting education,

thus

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enabling them to stand on their own feet.

For example

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, the Educational Ministry of India provides free education to all

women

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which helps them to build their own

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

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and not be dependent on others for money. In summary,

although

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some people are of the perspective that

women

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must stay back at home and

hence

Linking Words

the

government

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must extend them financial

support

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, I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

viewpoint

Linking Words

due to

Change preposition

for

show examples

multiple reasons. Primarily,

government

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bodies should spend their financial budget on optimising the

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defense

Change the spelling

defence

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and healthcare systems, and

secondly

Linking Words

, they must

support

Use synonyms

women

Use synonyms

by empowering them to be independent.

Submitted by vaishnavivardekar2209 on Fri Dec 20 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that all main points are equally developed. For example, while discussing the role of government priorities, you might add specific examples or statistics to strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

While coherence is generally maintained, using a wider range of cohesive devices could improve the flow between paragraphs and ideas.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader through your arguments effectively.

task achievement

You have presented a strong opinion and backed it up with specific examples, making the argument both relevant and comprehensive.

15
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

339 words

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Some people think that mothers should spend most of their time raising their family, and therefore the government should support them financially. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor, while others disagree and say that it is helping reduce the gap. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many people choose natural healing methods, such as acupuncture and massage therapy to recover from illness. Others prefer to use pharmaceutical drugs prescribe by their doctor for their aliments.

The older people who need employment have to compete with younger ones. What problems can this create? What are some solutions?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

It is expected in the near future that there will be a higher proportion of old people compared to younger population in some countries. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your opinion and examples.