IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?

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Some adults chose to
setup
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set up
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 their own
businesses
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 rather than working for other
companies
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 or
business
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 associations. There are several advantages to
this
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 situation
such
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 as the new budding businessmen can strive towards developing their
businesses
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 as per their own visions rather than fulfilling someone else’s dreams
on
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of
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 taking up a job.
Nonetheless
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, the prime disadvantage to
this
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 scenario is the lack of
experience
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 in running a
business
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 which cannot be neglected. To commence with, all aspiring businessmen have a particular plan of action for building their individual
businesses
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.
Therefore
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, developing a
business
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 grants a primary benefit in which these entrepreneurs can mould their firm as per their own wishes.
Moreover
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, unlike working for other
companies
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, having one’s own
business
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 allows the freedom of working and not
follow
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following
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 what has been instructed by the boss or other authorities.
Moreover
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, working to achieve one’s own dreams and aspirations gives a higher work satisfaction
thus
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 improving efficiency and success rates.
For instance
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, the food delivery app named Zomato
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 a great success because the owner was able to implement all
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 plans and strategies as per his vision. Opposingly, the lack of knowledge and
experience
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 in developing a successful
business
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 is a potential harm. Running a good, profitable work association requires many years of
experience
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 in
taking
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making
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 financial investment decisions, solving internal disputes and cracking important deals. Since
,
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apply
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 these budding
business
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 owners do not possess many years of
experience
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, they end up
taking
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making
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 certain incorrect and hasty decisions which renders their organization facing huge fiscal losses. For illustration, many startups in India are facing losses because the young owners lack complete insights about the effects of
global
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the global
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 recession on their
companies
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, leading them to make wrong financial decisions.
This
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 has led to
shutting
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the shutting
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 down of their
businesses
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. To recapitulate, many individuals prefer to have their own
business
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 than
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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 up jobs in other
companies
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. Despite the merit that, they are able to build
a
Correct article usage
the
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 firm of their dreams, they end up losing their
business
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due to
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 less
experience
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, which is a detrimental demerit of
this
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 situation.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure that all ideas are connected with clear transitional phrases that guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
For a higher task achievement score, consider addressing possible counterarguments and expanding on how the benefits of owning a business may outweigh the disadvantages in some situations.
coherence cohesion
The essay begins with a clear introduction and ends with a well-summarized conclusion, providing an effective structure.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, such as the case of Zomato, to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
The main ideas are clearly expressed and comprehensively discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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