IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, countries compete in
speed
Correct article usage
the speed
show examples
 of economic growth.
That is
 why the largest number of governments aim to develop their countries mostly in
economic
Replace the word
economics
show examples
.1 Some
citizens
 argue with
such
point
Correct article usage
a point
show examples
 of view and believe that there are plenty of significant
spheres
, which governments should maintain and develop. In
this
 essay, I will consider both points of view and give my opinion.2 On the one hand, these days, economic growth is a pivotal thing in
international
Correct article usage
the international
show examples
relation
Fix the agreement mistake
relations
show examples
 of countries.
Moreover
, the economic conditions of life of
citizens
 of a
country
 depend on the temp of economic progress.
For example
, when
GDP
Correct article usage
the GDP
show examples
 of a
country
 increases, the number of unemployed
people
 decreases, and
citizens
 benefit from it.3
On the other hand
, there are a lot of other important issues in different
spheres
 of
people
's lives
such
 as political
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
 and social problems.
For instance
, if there is a high crime rate in a
country
 and
people
 do not feel
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
, they will not be interested in economic development. Generally,
people
 want to cover their basic needs and only
then
 they are ready to develop
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
Also
, if these basic needs are covered,
people
 prefer to observe
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
show examples
 increase in all
spheres
 and improve whole their lives.4
To conclude
, there is a
big
Correct word choice
wide
show examples
 range of responsibilities of governments, to which they should pay attention. To my mind,
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 should develop in all
spheres
 evenly and properly. Only in
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
citizens
 will feel comfortable and grateful to their government.5
Submitted by swetlana4597 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance the task achievement, ensure all aspects of the question are addressed with equal depth. Discuss examples more comprehensively to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning more fluidly between your points to maintain a thorough flow. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay thoroughly discusses both views with a clear opinion presented in the conclusion, demonstrating a strong task response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the discussion, ensuring coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You use relevant examples to support your points, helping to illustrate your perspective effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: