IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The first chart shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate how Australians use
energy
Use synonyms
 and the amount of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gases they emit
as a result
Linking Words
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 6 groups of
energy
Use synonyms
 utilization in Australia. To start with, almost
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
energy
Use synonyms
 is needed for heating, and,
additionally
Linking Words
, the third is made up of water heating. Other household activities represent much less
energy
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, other appliances contribute to 15% of
overall
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption, which is only half of the water heating part. The
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportions are refrigeration, lighting, and cooling, with 7%, 4% and 2% respectively. As for the second chart, it can be seen that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
water heating contributes to
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gas emissions mostly, and the percentage is just above 30. Interestingly,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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the second place is taken by other appliances, with 28%,
while
Linking Words
 Australians consume only 15% of
overall
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 on them. Heating and refrigeration make up almost the same proportions, at around 15% each. Logically, lighting and cooling emit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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insufficient amounts of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gases, only 8% and 3%, respectively, as not so much
energy
Use synonyms
 in the households spent on them. In conclusion, I would like to emphasize the fact that there is a tendency
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 higher
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gases
Change the noun form
gas
show examples
 emissions from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appliances with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average Australian household
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Energy consumption
  • Activities
  • Heating
  • Cooling
  • Water heating
  • Appliances
  • Lighting
  • Standby
  • Percentage (%)
  • Consumption patterns
  • Efficiency
  • Emissions impact
  • Renewable energy
  • Energy-saving measures
  • Sustainability
  • Carbon footprint
  • Electricity
  • Natural gas
  • Emissions breakdown
  • Energy audit
  • Environmental impact
  • Conservation
  • Mitigation strategies
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