Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

#pastime #people #activities

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

These days, most individuals like to

shop

Use synonyms

and they feel comfortable when they

shop

Use synonyms

. So, in

this

Linking Words

essay, I am going to discuss

this

Linking Words

point and give an example. On the one hand, there are a lot of people who prefer to

shopping

Wrong verb form

shop

show examples

alone or with their family,

such

Linking Words

as families and friends. I think that it changes their mood and feel comfortable.

In other words

Linking Words

, women like to go shopping every weekend, because they enjoy it, and they feel glad, and

also

Linking Words

if they

shop

Use synonyms

in any supermarket or mall, they will have knowledge of goods and

Correct pronoun usage

their

show examples

quelity

Correct your spelling

quality

as well as

Linking Words

they will know about the

priceses

Correct your spelling

prices

of items.

Thus

Linking Words

, they go shopping twice of week, and they change their physical and mental,

while

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

activity is beneficial for them.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, I believe that shopping is an interesting activity for people, but they can kind of activities that are beneficial for them.

Moreover

Linking Words

, they can go to the gym,

Linking Words

due

Change preposition

because

show examples

has

Verb problem

show examples

important for their body and mind.

Therefore

Linking Words

, they can out with their friend and think about opening a new

shop

Use synonyms

, they can share to gather

Change preposition

for

show examples

the first time to improve

this

Linking Words

project,

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

will support them in earning more money, and they will know about the brand world.

In addition

Linking Words

, they have knowledge about

thetype

Correct your spelling

the type

of brands

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and the way of dealing with

customres

Correct your spelling

customers

. So,

this

Linking Words

is a good activity for them to make new business.

To conclude

Linking Words

, I believe that shopping is

Change the article

the

show examples

best place for spending our free time , and we can get a lot of things we need,

for example

Linking Words

, clothes, food, and drinks.

Submitted by Loody on Sun Dec 22 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas logically and coherently in paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly links back to the task prompt.

task achievement

Make sure to fully address both parts of the question: why young people like shopping and whether they should be encouraged to do other activities.

task achievement

Include more specific examples and explanations to support your main points, making them more convincing and concrete.

coherence cohesion

Clear introduction and conclusion, providing a structured overview of the essay's content.

task achievement

Good attempt at discussing both why shopping is popular and suggesting alternative activities.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

pastime
encouraged
useful activities
self-expression
creativity
sense of accomplishment
satisfaction
social interaction
bonding
escaping
daily routine
stress
instant gratification
pleasure
keeping up
trends
fashion
exploring
products
experiences
boosting
self-confidence
supporting
local businesses
economy
discovering
personal style
preferences

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?
It is undeniable that health care system has become an essential part of our life. It’s developing rapidly. Various achievements have been made already. All of them helping us to gain new knowledge and saves many lives every single day. It provides us to feel better and live longer.
7.5
band
In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?
In today's society era, foreigner's meal is more high-rated than local cooking. According to the writer’s opinion, this is because imported food has better standards, and guarantees the cooking’s quality and safety. Additionally, buying local meals will support the government and improve the quality of the community’s bread.
7
band
more and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in foreign country. do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks?
Many students are deciding to study abroad at colleges and universities outside their country. I believe that studying in a foreign country gives numerous benefits for students so that they can be independent and some drawbacks can also be observed.
6.5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
One of the most prevalent trends in the contemporary world is the cumulative increase in stress by their guardians to reach their children's goals. While some people argue that increased competition creates depression, while others believe that they can achieve goals with hard work. Both sides of this topic will be carefully analysed before constructing an inference.
6
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In this economy, some notions are encouraging little ones that by trying their best and putting a great effort into anything, they will eventually be successful in their chosen path. In my perspective, this mindset is not accurate and its drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed?

In many countries, more and more people choose to buy imported food rather than food produced locally. Why people buy imported food? What could be done to encourage people to buy local food?

more and more students are choosing to study at colleges and universities in foreign country. do the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?