IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young people now know more about international pop and movie stars than famous people in the history of their countries. What are the causes? Give solutions to increase the number of people to know about famous people in history. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is no disputing the fact that most young people are more
knowledgeble
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knowledgeable
 about
international
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the international
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artist
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artists
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 and film stars than widely known
poeple
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people
 of
history
Use synonyms
 in their nations.
This
Linking Words
 is due
large
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to large
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 access to
internet
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the internet
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 and social media platforms, and solutions should be
channel
Wrong verb form
channelled
show examples
 into addressing these key variables. To start with, the younger generations are opportune to explore international movies and music through the internet without spending a fortune because, free wifi can be accessed in
most
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a most
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 public
place
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places
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 and most of these international pop stars are used for advertisement of modern fashion, which excite young stars look
upto
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up to
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 them as
role
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a role
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 model.
Moreover
Linking Words
, most social media
platform
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platforms
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 nowadays can be reached by almost all young adult, either through their phone or school computers. For
intance
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instance
,
Correct article usage
the tiktok
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tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 "for you" page display
and
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apply
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more international content than local shows. In
this
Linking Words
 case, the most effective solutions should be limiting social media
search
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searches
show examples
 related to international
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 and promoting educational content within
household
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the household
a household
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.
Also
Linking Words
, local high schools and institutions should develop an interesting format
in
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for
show examples
 teaching
history
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 and visiting country
meseums
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museums
museum
 with rich
history
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 related to the nation. Another possible reason could be
due to
Linking Words
high
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the high
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 value placed on
international
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internationally
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 produced musical videos and music. Most local
films
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film
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 tricks are well known to the teen populations as
it
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they
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 involve their daily environmental
acticities
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activities
,
therefore
Linking Words
, film directors can develop a way of telling historical stories related to great people of
history
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the movie about
queen
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Queen
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 Amina of Zaria
,
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apply
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 was an interesting story of the first northern
Nifgerian
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Nigerian
 woman to participate in
war
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the war
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 in the 19th century, and after watching the series,
i
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I
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 had to read about her
bravely
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bravery
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 in
novel
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the novel
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due to
Linking Words
 cap In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is good to acquire knowledge across the globe, it is essential to have
better
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a better
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 understanding of own
country
Change noun form
country's
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history
Use synonyms
 and famous legends.

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task achievement
Focus on providing a more balanced discussion of both causes and solutions, ensuring that each point is effectively explained and linked back to the question.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, ensure the use of linking words and transitional phrases to enhance the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
It would be beneficial to ensure clarity in some sentences as they contain minor inaccuracies or misspellings that may hinder understanding.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with both an introduction and conclusion, which enables readers to understand the central theme.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your points, such as mentioning queen Amina of Zaria, which adds depth to your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses both causes and solutions, which aligns with the task requirements.
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