IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your opinions

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In modern times, the issue of environmental problems caused many people to argue the main environmental problem is the defeat of species (animals and plants),
while
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 some people think there are more important to
should
Verb problem
apply
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tackle the air
pollution
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 and
climate
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change
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issues
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. On the one hand, it can be argued that environmental
issues
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 are the loss of species not directly affected by whole diversity. Defeat of biodiversity only disrupts ecological balance.
For example
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, Nemo
stay
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stays
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 in coral reefs as a home. When the coral reefs started to disrupt human activities, many fish lost their fields.
Consequently
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, the damage of the fields makes fish die which can lead to an affected ecological balance which only provides in the ecological system.
On the other hand
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, some people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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think there are more environmental
issues
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
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 affect the human future. Nowadays,
pollution
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 and
climate
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change
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 are disrupted in many countries causing an increasing number of vehicle users.
This
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 deterioration causes global warming and affects
dissrupt
Correct your spelling
disrupt
disrupts
 atmospheric conditions which can lead to natural disasters
such
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 as floods, extreme weather, and health
issues
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 which can lead to the ecological balance.
As a result
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, many animals and plants are disrupted cause of
pollution
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 and
climate
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change
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. In conclusion,
while
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 the loss of specific species should be included as a critical issue that we must prioritize, it is crucial to recognise that there are many sources of environmental problems
such
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 as
pollution
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 and
climate
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change
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, that demand urgent attention.

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coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical progression of ideas to make the argument clearer. The transition between points, especially when discussing how ecological imbalance can extend beyond just a loss of species, needs more clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or data where relevant, especially when discussing the impact of pollution and climate change, to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and concludes with a recap of the main points, ensuring the reader understands the central arguments presented.
task achievement
The response comprehensively addresses both views on the topic, showcasing a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You recognize the critical issue of species loss but also emphasize broader environmental challenges, reflecting a mature understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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