IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many think that religion should be taught in schools while others think it should be avoided. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Top positions
are
Verb problem
apply
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sometimes
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that
religion
Use synonyms
 should be avoided in
schools
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 there are those who think that it should be taught. In
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 there are various special religious
schools
Use synonyms
 where they study
religion
Use synonyms
 in depth, so parents are against
children
Use synonyms
 studying
religion
Use synonyms
 in
schools
Use synonyms
, but I think that
religion
Use synonyms
 should be taught in ordinary
schools
Use synonyms
, as
this
Linking Words
 will help the child find out and expand his knowledge in these areas. Many are against and do not want their
children
Use synonyms
 to study
religion
Use synonyms
 in
schools
Use synonyms
, since there are specialized religious
schools
Use synonyms
 in the world and parents who consider
this
Linking Words
 useful should send their
children
Use synonyms
 to
such
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 where
such
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 areas are studied in depth.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are different secular states in the world where people of different religions live, and if only one
religion
Use synonyms
 is taught in
schools
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,
this
Linking Words
 may have a bad effect on the psyche and beliefs of the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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.
However
Linking Words
, if
religion
Use synonyms
will
Verb problem
is
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add
Wrong verb form
added
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 as a school subject and
start
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 teaching these
children
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 will help them understand what is right and what
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wrong ways in religions,
where
Correct word choice
which
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 they will relate
in
Change preposition
to in
show examples
 the future with intelligence and understanding.
Moreover
Linking Words
, faith education supports inclusive learning about religious diversity, develops empathy, and inspires compassion.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even if many people are against the fact that
religion
Use synonyms
 will be studied as a subject in
schools
Use synonyms
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that learning and giving a little knowledge about
religion
Use synonyms
 can help a child in the future with his beliefs and give him general knowledge.

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task achievement
Try to use more specific examples to support your points. This can help further illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure clarity by refining some of your ideas. Clarifying the statement about the ‘right and wrong ways’ in religion could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which contributes to overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion effectively open and close the discussion, providing a clear framework.
task achievement
The topic is fully addressed by discussing both perspectives and providing an opinion, fulfilling the task response requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • religious education
  • multi-faith society
  • values and ethics
  • tolerance
  • diversity
  • religious freedom
  • secular education
  • curriculum
  • worldviews
  • interfaith dialogue
  • religious literacy
  • moral guidance
  • cultural understanding
  • critical thinking
  • respect
  • indoctrination
  • religious beliefs
  • secular state
  • religious extremism
  • academic subject
What to do next:
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