IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Fast food is a part of life in many places. Some people think it has harmful effects on lifestyle and diet. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons.

#food #part #life #places #people #effects #lifestyle #diet
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people
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 prefer eating fast
food
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,
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apply
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 and are changing their basic diet to fast
food
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 dishes.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
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 argue that fast
food
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 plays a negative role in our lifestyle and
health
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. I totally support
this
Linking Words
 argument
due to
Linking Words
 some reasons.
To begin
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 with, fast
food
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 contains a lot of calories, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to overweight and
obesity
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.
While
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 fast
food
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 is cheaper and more accessible than other traditional and healthy
foods
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, it contains a lot of oil and fat that negatively affects our
health
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. It is well known that
people
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 now have a sedentary lifestyle, and consuming fast
food
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 leads to extra calories, which without any physical activities are recovered as saturated fat in our body. As an impact,
obesity
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 is a main cause of poor immune systems and diseases in our organism, and many illnesses are directly connected with
obesity
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.
For example
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, obese
people
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 are more prone to illnesses
,
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apply
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 and catch a disease more than twice as fast as
people
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 in shape who have a good immune system. So, fast
food
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 is
a
Correct article usage
the
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 main cause of
obesity
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, which leads to
people
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's poor
health
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 and immune systems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most
people
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 are addicted to fast
food
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,
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apply
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 and forget about their traditional
foods
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.
While
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 fast
foods
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 do not have a harmful effect if
people
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 know the average, it can lead to a loss of traditions. Many
people
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 cook their traditional
food
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 only on some holidays, and on other days they order fast
food
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 from restaurants.
As a result
Linking Words
, it decreases the frequency of cooking traditional meals and leads to a loss of tradition.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Italy, where pasta and fresh vegetables are staples, an increasing preference for fast
food
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 could lead to a decrease in the preparation of traditional Italian dishes, impacting both cultural practices and dietary
habits
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. So, the second consequence of fast
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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 is a loss of traditional
habits
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. In conclusion, I totally agree with
people
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's arguments against fast
food
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.
As it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 leads to
obesity
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 and overweight, which are the main causes of poor
health
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 for most
people
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, and can be the reason for losing traditional meals and
habits
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, affecting culture and dietary
habits
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.
Submitted by rodhi.kelvianto14 on

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task achievement
The essay could provide more specific examples and data to support the claims about the health effects of fast food.
coherence cohesion
Try to include more transitional phrases and linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear thesis statement and directly addresses the task by taking a clear stance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay's main arguments, providing clear entry and exit points for the reader.
coherence cohesion
The arguments are logically structured with distinct paragraphs addressing different points about the effects of fast food.
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