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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the ‏past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television ‏for children.

#children #time #television #‏past #‏for
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In recent years,
children
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spend
Wrong verb form
have spent
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 significantly more
time
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 watching
television
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 compared to previous generations.
While
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television
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 offers educational content and entertainment that can aid in a child’s development, it
also
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 poses potential drawbacks,
such
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 as reduced physical activity and exposure to inappropriate material.
This
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 essay will explore both the advantages and disadvantages of
television
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 for
children
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. On the one hand,
television
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 can have positive
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
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. it provides access to educational programs that help
children
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 learn new skills and knowledge.
For example
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, shows about science, history, and languages can make learning fun and engaging.
For example
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent research
of
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by
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Correct article usage
the university
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university
Capitalize word
University
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 of
london
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London
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found that
children
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 who watch educational programs develop better cognitive and language skills compared to those who don’t.
On the other hand
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, excessive
television
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 watching can contribute to a sedentary lifestyle, which increases the risk of health problems like obesity and reduced physical fitness in
children
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. Recent research by the University of Cambridge found that
children
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 who spend more than three hours a day watching
television
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 are 40% more likely to develop weight-related issues compared to those who limit their screen
time
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. To address
this
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, parents can encourage
children
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 to balance screen
time
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 with outdoor activities,
such
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 as playing sports or going for walks, to ensure a healthier lifestyle. Ultimately, the examples and arguments show that
television
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 has both benefits, like educational content, and drawbacks,
such
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 as health risks from excessive screen
time
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. By monitoring viewing habits and promoting a balanced lifestyle, parents can help
children
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 enjoy the positives of
television
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while
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 avoiding its negatives.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that every point made is well-connected to the central topic. While your essay largely maintains coherence, providing seamless transitions can enhance its flow.
Task Achievement
Consider offering more specific examples to strengthen the points made, particularly in the section on the advantages of television.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of television for children.
Task Achievement
You have incorporated recent research findings, which enhances the relevance and credibility of your arguments.
Task Achievement
The discussion addresses both sides of the topic, demonstrating a balanced evaluation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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