IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart show what makes people most happy for two different age groups. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates percentages of the
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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things that can make citizens feel pleasure for two age groups which
is
Change the verb form
are
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people
Use synonyms
 under and above 30 years. In general, Achievement at work was the highest number for all
people
Use synonyms
.The
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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second biggest cycle was doing hobbies for both age groups.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, around 30% of
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 feel happy when they achieve their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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. The second thing that
make
Wrong verb form
made
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 them happy was doing their hobbies
account
Wrong verb form
accounting
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of
Change preposition
for
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 22 per cent.
In addition
Linking Words
, there were approximately 18 per cent of them
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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feel
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 when they
having
Wrong verb form
have
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 a good appearance. Fifteenth of
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
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 feel refreshment when they travel outside.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the number of other factors was the smallest among other categories by nearly 14%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, 32% of
people
Use synonyms
 who are above 30 years old feel satisfied when they done their work. Less than 25% of those
people
Use synonyms
 love to
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
show examples
 their hobbies. Financial security was the third biggest figure for old
people
Use synonyms
 by exactly 20%.
While
Linking Words
 14% of them like to
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 with family. Other factors account
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 just 10 percent.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • illustrates
  • contributing factors
  • distinct age groups
  • primary sources
  • comprising
  • leading contributors
  • predominant
  • accounting for
  • underscores contrasts
  • prioritize
  • universal aspects of well-being
  • engaging in enjoyable activities
  • source of joy
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