IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

urban environments become unhealthy. Name causes and solutions

#environments #name
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Nowadays ,
people
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 believe that the increasing population and scarcity of land in megapolices can impact
on
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apply
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their health and environment . First of all,the main
problem
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 of
this
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 topic is industrialization.The
industrial revolution
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Industrial Revolution
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 has influenced the development of cities and countries.
People
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 started to open factories for the extraction of heavy metals and precious metals,they began to pollute the air ,ground and all living things around.Despite the fact that new technologies
has
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have
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 come to us,which could ease the current situation,nothing has changed ,and it remains in a similar state. To solve
this
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problem
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,the government should establish a law on
purification
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the purification
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 of gases released into the atmosphere or transfer them outside the city . The second reason is overcrowded cities.Сurrently,overcrowding in cities has a negative impact on both the state of the world and on
people
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.A huge number of diseases,
the
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and the
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 extinction of rare species of plants and animals can lead to disaster.The best way to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
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 is to tell
people
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 at the state level to move into small towns or
countrysides
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countryside
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to
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,thanks to which new territories will be developed and minimise the impact on the environment. In conclusion,I firmly believe that these problems,
such
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 as increasing population and scarcity of land in megapolices will not
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be
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such
Linking Words
 a huge
problem
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 ,which can affect not only us and our health ,but
also
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on
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apply
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our future children,relatives and
people
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 around us in the future,because if you want to save yourself and the planet ,you need to think about it from a really young age.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, such as specific cities or studies.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure, especially when transitioning between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Clarify and strengthen the connections between the causes and solutions. This will improve coherence and provide a more comprehensive task response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, establishing the context and summarizing the main points.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic directly by naming causes of unhealthy urban environments and proposing solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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